BDSM Question: I Want To Introduce Pain Play To My Partner
January 18, 2012
I want to introduce mild pain – and my boyfriend is very very reluctant to go there. he trusts me, and knows I would not injure him, but this is not a place he wants to go, nor does he think he can find it pleasurable – even if accepting it pleases me.
I can’t force it on him. I can’t take an attitude of “too bad, I am your Mistress and you will do as I say, I don’t care if you don’t like it”
I want to do it, but I also want him to find the pleasure I know can be experienced from it. the question is HOW??
In regards to pain, he can’t take even the minutest amount.. he feels pain in his nipples if i even touch them, let alone nibble on them. I like to bite – not to injure or even leave marks – but nibble. I like to bite just to that point of it feeling painful. I like to bite his lip when we kiss. He says it hurts and asks me not to do it. I do not want to give pain for the sake of giving pain. But I know the pleasure i get from mild pain, I know the rush of endorphins – i want him to experience that as just another level of pleasure i can offer him. He says he trusts me and will accept pain if it is what I desire – but I want him to WANT it. I need him to WANT it.
so, how can I coach him through it? What can I do for him, say to him to relax him, to absorb the pain and embrace it – he knows that the nipples will be my focus if he misbehaves (which is another area I need to work on. I get too soft on him – when he gives me those puppy dog eyes I melt and I know I shouldn’t)
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My Response
Pain – it’s something that some people like to inflict, and something that others want to avoid at all costs. And it’s also a sticky subject when you’re ready to try a BDSM flavored relationship.
And while I hate to be the bearer of bad news – your partner doesn’t sound like he’s into pain. At all. This is just the way he is, and it’s not a reflection of who you are. You’re right, you can’t force him to do it. And right now, it sounds like you’re right on the edge of forcing him to do something that he doesn’t want to do.
What I would suggest, and I can’t tell if you’ve done this yet, is that you talk to him about why you want to inflict pain with him. If your partner begins to see the reasoning behind your sexual desire, he might be more open and willing to try things out.
If, and only if, he agrees, then you can begin to coach him through the pain with breathing exercises. Have him practice deep breathing when he feels intense pain and eventually, you can train him to feel less pain or to be affected less by the pain that you inflict.
But I have to say that your question sounds more like you wonder if there’s a way you can make someone like what you like in the bedroom. And honestly, the answer is ‘no.’ You can’t MAKE anyone do what you want them to do, even if you’re a Mistress. If your partner has made it clear that they don’t want to feel pain, you have to respect that limit.
In time, they might change their mind, but it’s up to them to let you know when their mind has changed.
At this point, you have a decision to make. You can either stay with this partner while finding other ways to enjoy their companionship in bed or you can find a new partner who is interested in receiving pain.
Making a person ‘want’ pain is not always possible because some people are just more sensitive than others, and pain is not a pleasant experience for them – no matter how much YOU want it to be.
I say, back off your partner for a bit and let them come to you with the desire to please you. If you just go after them with painful things, they’re going to begin to resent you for hurting them. It needs to be their decision. And if they try it out through their own willingness and they still don’t like it, you need to decide if this is a dealbreaker for you. If so, it’s time to find a new slave.
If they do come to you and want to try some light pain of their own free will there are a few things you can do to make the experiences more pleasurable for them.
1) Know what their limits are and never cross them. Too little is better then too much.
2) Never start with pain. So many Dominants become so excited by the idea that their sub finally wants to try pain, its the first thing they do. The sub may want to experience some pain in their play, but their body is not physically prepared to receive it right away. Any form of pain will be too much to handle at the beginning of a session.
3) The first thing you want to do is get your sub completely relaxed. This means take off any uncomfortable clothes they may be wearing, make sure the room is a comfortable temperature and perhaps even put aside your Dominant nature and give them a relaxing massage.
4) Once they are relaxed, comfortable and calm, you can finally begin heating up their body. Kiss, lick and touch ever single erogenous zone they have. Don’t miss a single inch on their body. Turn them on like they have never been turned on before. Tease, tease and tease so more.
5) Once they are horny and dying to have you, start pleasing them orally. Tell your partner that they are not allowed to orgasm without your permission. So they need to tell you when they are close to cumming. You are going to bring them to the brink of cumming at least three times.
6) Now have your partner bend over, so you have access to both their buttock and genitals. While you keep your partner aroused with one hand, try lightly spank their buttock with the other hand. You have now just introduced mild pain into play and chances are they’re probably enjoying it.
The Reasons Why This Method Works:
Once a body becomes turned on, it can actually handle more pain. The nervous system can only carry one message at a time. With so much pleasure being flooded into the nervous system, the pain messages become diluted. The spanking will seem very mild and most people can easily handle it. Also there is a large nerve that passes through the ass and carries on to the genitals. By stimulating the buttock with spanking, you can in fact stimulate the genitals. Not to mention spankings cause more blood to flow into the buttocks and genitals, hence the reason for the redness. More blood causes an increase in arousal. Lastly, you are using classical conditioning to link mild pain and pleasure together. You are teaching your partner that they can become more aroused and enjoy pain. The two can exist together and in fact heighten the other.
Of course one time will not establish this connection and just because you have tried spanking once and they liked it, does not mean you can start jumping to floggers, paddles, clamps, etc. This is a long learning process and a Dominant must be patient, attentive and understanding of their subs needs.
To learn more about proper spanking techniques and introducing your sub to new fetishes and BDSM training techniques check out BDSM Slave Training Techniques
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Regards,
Master Bishop
support@bdsmtrainingacademy.com
P.S. If you liked this article, please take a minute to e-mail
your friends and let them know about it. Thanks!
================================================================
Copyright 2008-2012 BDSMTrainingAcademy.com. By reading and
accepting this article you agree to all of the following: You
understand that this is simply a set of opinions, personal
experience and anecdotal evidence (and not advice). You are
responsible for any use of the information in this article, and
hold BDSMTrainingAcademy.com and all members and affiliates
harmless in any claim or event.
================================================================
You must be 18+ years old to read this blog
Fear In Slave Training
January 4, 2012
Female submissives are certainly going to encounter challenges in their training, even when they least expect it. No matter if a slave has been under the control of a Master for a while or just for a short period, there is a time when the slave will wonder if their Master is going to hurt them or if they are truly able to satisfy their Master. This fear is natural and it can be used to further your training. The delicate balance between fear and trust is one that needs to be addressed frequently as the bond between a Master and slave can not be strengthened without a slave knowing what to do when they feel they can not go on.
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What are You Afraid Of?
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You need to assess what you are afraid of when it hits you during training sessions or outside of sessions. Common fears include:
* Fear of not pleasing – The most common fear of slaves is that they will not be able to please their Masters. And when this happens, a slave can make simple mistakes because they are too afraid of what might happen.
* Fear of pain – Some slaves fear that their Master might inflict more pain then they are able to handle or that a Dominant might permanently injury them, so the physical threat to their bodies is a concern.
* Fear of not being trainable – Many slaves feel that while they want to be trained, they are concerned their Master will not be able to be successful.
These fears, while normal, need to be addressed as they can hold a slave back from their true potential.
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Trusting Your Master
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When you look at these fears, you can see that something is underlying – trust. If you do not trust your Master to train you well, chances are good that you are not giving your full attention to your training. If you do not trust your Master to keep you from physical harm, you might not push yourself as hard during painful sessions. And when you fear that you are not trainable, you show that you do not have trust in your Master to move you in the right direction.
Just reading this, you begin to see that your trust is something that is a gift to your Master. When you’re unable to trust, you’re unable to give yourself fully to your state of being a slave. You’re stuck in the pattern of being unable to present yourself fully in training sessions and in other situations with your Master.
With that said you should never submit to a Dominant that you do not trust. Also never make yourself vulnerable within a submissive training scene to a Dominant that has not proven they are trustworthy outside of a Dom/sub relationship.
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Overcoming Your Fears
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Just as with any fear, there are ways to handle your fears and your lack of trust in your Master.
* Repeat your trust in your Master – Before every session, make sure that you repeat to yourself that you trust your Master with your body and with your mind. In time, you will begin to remind yourself of this instinctually.
* Test your perceived limits – When you feel that you are reaching some sort of limit, test yourself by moving past where you think you can go. If you do not succeed, at least you will have tried, and this will show.
* See pressure from your Master as a sign you are ready for more – If you begin to feel fear about your training because your Master is asking more of you, focus on the idea that your Master would not give you any tests without thinking you could live up to his expectations.
You might have fear, but when you have trust in your Master, you will be able to train effectively and you will submit yourself fully. In this beautiful submission, you will become the slave you want to become.
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Dealing With Trust Issues
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If you can not move past your trust issues then you need to take some time to look at the problem more. Why do you not trust your Master?
* Do you not trust your Dominant because of something they have done in the past? Then you need to sit down with your Dominant and explain to them what they have done that has shattered your trust in them. This way the both of you can figure out how to work through this.
* Do you not trust your Dominant because of things that you have experienced in the past with other people? Take some time and speak with your Dominant about why you have such a hard time trusting people, and that the issue is not just with Him. Perhaps explain the specific situations that caused you to lose your trust in people. With a little communication and some understanding both of you may figure out a way to slowly build your trust.
* Do you not trust your Dominant because the relationship is still new and your Dominant has not proven they are trustworthy? This is very common and understandable, just explain to your Master in a polite and respectful manner that you need more time to get comfortable and build a trusting bond between the two of you.
Don’t silently hold onto your fear and trust issues. This just causes a submissives fears to become worst. Take the time to express your concerns with your Master. This will allow the both of you to finally be able to focus completely on your slave training, the way both of you have always wanted too.
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>>>For more ways to establish and build trust within a new or existing Dom/sub relationship go to ===> BDSM Slave Training
=============================================================================
Regards,
Master Bishop
support@bdsmtrainingacademy.com
P.S. If you liked this article, please take a minute to e-mail
your friends and let them know about it. Thanks!
================================================================
Copyright 2008-2011 BDSMTrainingAcademy.com. By reading and
accepting this article you agree to all of the following: You
understand that this is simply a set of opinions, personal
experience and anecdotal evidence (and not advice). You are
responsible for any use of the information in this article, and
hold BDSMTrainingAcademy.com and all members and affiliates
harmless in any claim or event.
================================================================
You must be 18+ years old to read this blog
50 Reasons Why A Submissive Should Serve
December 16, 2011
One of the biggest misconceptions I hear from people about Dom/sub relationships is that the relationship is only about sex. While some Dom/sub relationships can be, for many a Dom/sub relationship involves so much more.
A Dom/sub relationship gives people involved an opportunity to live a completely harmonious and balanced life with their partner in an emotional, spiritual and physical capacity. It develops a relationship where each partner knows and understands their roles, allowing for a balance between personalities, skills, emotional needs and physical desires. It provides an opportunity for both partners to work together as one harmonious unit to be able to reach the objectives that will better serve the couple. As described in ancient Chinese philosophy, it is the balance between ying and yang. It is this balance that provides such a strong foundation for the Dom/sub relationship.
So why am I telling you this? Why don’t I just explain why slaves should serve? The reason why I express this is because I believe this message becomes lost behind many peoples sexual desires. They forget that some of the biggest reasons for a slave to serve and a Dominant to control are rooted deeply within developing a beautiful loving relationship that provides the support that each partner needs throughout life.
Two people are capable of doing and experiencing so much more, when they are able to live and work together in a harmonious and balanced environment.
With that said, trainee k who is currently going through the Female submissive training program, completed her assignment where she is meant to write out 50 reasons why she wishes to serve her Master/Husband. While many people list 50 sexual reasons, trainee k actually expressed some genuine heart felt reasons for her desire to serve that I felt everybody could learn from.
Regards,
Master Bishop
50 Reasons why I want to be a slave to my Master.
1. To please Him
2. To service all his sexual desires
3. To make Master proud
4. To provide Master with emotional support
5. To learn how to relinquish all control to Him
6. To understand what He wants and to provide it for Him
7. To share completely in His life.
8. To thank Him for choosing me.
9. To show Him that He is the most important thing in my life
10. To show my gratitude for His love.
11. To show my gratitude for His kindness.
12. To show my gratitude to Him for knowing what is best for me.
13. To show how much I trust Him.
14. To learn patience.
15. To learn to trust and move past my insecurities.
16. To show how proud I am to belong to such a wonderful Master.
17. To learn to anticipate his needs and provide them without being asked.
18. To show Him the extent of my desires for Him.
19. To show my appreciation for His willingness to take care of me.
20. To show my appreciation for how hard He works to take care of us.
21. To show Him that I recognize the sacrifices He has made for us.
22. To help relieve His stress
23. To show that I can give Him a clean organized house to come home to after His long day at work.
24. To show Him that I respect Him as my Master, Husband and Friend.
25. To give him peace of mind when things around Him are chaotic.
26. To provide Him with comfort and understanding.
27. To provide Him with humor when He is sad.
28. To share in His dreams.
29. To grow our relationship beyond sex and duty
30. To experience total submission when my need to be in control is not in His best interest.
31. To learn to love more deeply.
32. To understand that I can be a strong, independent person without being in control.
33. To take responsibility for the day to day chores so that He can concentrate on His job.
34. To learn to be graceful and respectful to Him at all times.
35. To learn how to put my wants aside to fulfill His first.
36. To ignite His passion
37. To bring Him to sexual heights He has only dreamed about.
38. To show how completely devoted I am to Him only.
39. To prove that I am worthy of His love
40. To prove that I am willing to try to fill all His need and desires.
41. To bring him laughter
42. To give Him my heart, mind, body and soul with complete confidence and trust knowing that He will never hurt me.
43. To give him my support for all the decision He must make in order to provide for us.
44. To relieve the burdens he carries by taking care of me as well as our entire family.
45. To offer my opinions, suggestions and help when He is faced with a dilemma.
46. To help create a life- long relationship built on trust, respect, and a deep knowledge of His needs and desires.
47. To fulfill His fantasies.
48. To become more than just His wife but to become His only desire.
49. To earn the right to be – first in His heart, mind, body and soul.
50. To show that I am the one person His has been waiting for. The one person He wants to share His life with. The one person he knows He can trust to always put Him first and to never disrespect, dishonor or disobey Him.
support@bdsmtrainingacademy.com
P.S. If you liked this article, please take a minute to e-mail
your friends and let them know about it. Thanks!
================================================================
Copyright 2008-2011 BDSMTrainingAcademy.com. By reading and
accepting this article you agree to all of the following: You
understand that this is simply a set of opinions, personal
experience and anecdotal evidence (and not advice). You are
responsible for any use of the information in this article, and
hold BDSMTrainingAcademy.com and all members and affiliates
harmless in any claim or event.
================================================================
You must be 18+ years old to read this blog
BDSM And Trust
December 6, 2011
BDSM is a practice of handing over the care of your body to another, or someone else is giving control of their body to you. One of the things that many BDSM lovers say drew them to BDSM is that it is the ultimate experience of trust. When you are in a BDSM scene or in a relationship, you need to be able to both trust your partner and be trustworthy. Without that dynamic, you might not be able to create a safe relationship that is fulfilling to the both of you.
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Can You Trust Your Partner?
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When you’re first meeting a new partner, you need to make sure that you trust them. Many people you meet through friends are going to be more trustworthy than others, but when you meet someone who is a stranger, you will find that they are harder to judge. This is why it’s so important to have a few dates and conversations before you jump into the dungeon together. The more that you talk with each other, the more you will begin to see if you are a good fit and if you want to hand over the whip – or take the whip in your hand. Even when you get a strange feeling about someone else, listen to it. Much of the time that odd feeling that you can’t trust someone is valid.
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How to Establish Trust
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Once you’ve decided that someone else is worthy of trust, you will want to make sure that this is the case. You will want to begin by talking to each other outside of the bedroom. This will help you see if they are able to do things that you expect them to do. For example, if they say that they are going to be at a certain place at a certain time, they should be. Of course, this goes both ways. You also need to show that you are a trustworthy person. Listen to them to see if their stories make sense, if they are willing to share things with you, and whether they treat others well. When you take the time to get to know the other person, you will be able to more accurately measure their trustworthiness.
There is no ‘time’ when you should invite someone back to the bedroom. The biggest mistake most people make, is heading to the bedroom before they fully know and trust the other person. It can take weeks to months before you can trust someone and see that they are who they say they are. All Dom/sub horror stories start with people rushing into the bedroom. Remember if this is the right person for you, you will have a lifetime of bedroom fun together, so there is no need to rush it. Make sure you know that you can trust this person first.
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When Trust is Lost
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In the dungeon, trust is something that is implied, but that doesn’t mean everyone always plays fair. You need to make sure that when trust is lost in the bedroom that you take action to repair it or you find a new partner. For example, if a partner doesn’t stop when you use a safeword, you need to stop the scene and talk about why that happened. If they apologize and they never do it again, then it was a simple mistake. But if they continue to go beyond your limits, for example, then you need to make sure that you stop the relationship. For those in control, you need to make sure that your partner trusts you enough to tell you when enough is enough. If they don’t, you may want to ask them why they don’t trust you and how you can foster more trust.
BDSM is fun, but it’s also serious play. You need to make sure that you can hand over your body to someone else and that another person is comfortable giving over control to you. While they might seem as though they are having a good time, just as in any relationship, without trust, you don’t have a true partnership.
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>>>For more ways to establish and build trust within a new or existing Dom/sub relationship go to ===> Dominant/submissive Training
=============================================================================
Regards,
Master Bishop
support@bdsmtrainingacademy.com
P.S. If you liked this article, please take a minute to e-mail
your friends and let them know about it. Thanks!
================================================================
Copyright 2008-2011 BDSMTrainingAcademy.com. By reading and
accepting this article you agree to all of the following: You
understand that this is simply a set of opinions, personal
experience and anecdotal evidence (and not advice). You are
responsible for any use of the information in this article, and
hold BDSMTrainingAcademy.com and all members and affiliates
harmless in any claim or event.
================================================================
You must be 18+ years old to read this blog
Safe BDSM Practices
November 14, 2011
Safety is everything in a relationship and it’s even more important when you’re practicing BDSM. In order to make sure that you’re having a safe interaction with your partner, you need to follow some basic rules of sanitation and boundaries so that you’re able to practice BDSM without harming your health or the health of your partner.
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Basic Safety Rules
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When you’re interested in being safe during sex, you need to realize that BDSM can be harder on the body than you might realize. While you might enjoy pain mixed with pleasure, this can also cause harm to the body if you’re not careful.
* Be honest – During the creation of a BDSM contract, you need to make sure that you’re always being honest about what you can handle and what you’re willing to do with your partner. Talk about the limits you want to set and then make sure that everyone follows them.
* Communicate – When you’re in the midst of a scene, it might be tempting to ignore the needs of a partner in the interest of having a ‘good’ scene. But you need to communicate if you are feeling too much pain or something seems to be damaging the health of your partner.
* Listen – On the other side, you need to listen to the partner that is saying that something is not right.
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Trust and the Unknown Partner
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In some BDSM relationships, it might be allowed to have relations with others, but when you’re going into a new scene with an unknown partner, you need to make sure that you trust this person in some fashion. Whether this means your partner comes with you to the scene to make sure that things are handled responsibly or it means that you get together with a person that you will play with and learn more about them before you go into a training session, you need to establish a basic level of trust. And while this seems like common sense, you always need to know the partner with whom you will play. Playing with a stranger can increase your risk of unhealthy results.
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STD Prevention
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During sex, there is always a chance of STDs, even if the partner seems to be clean or they say they are disease free. To make sure that you are protecting yourself and your partner, you should include these tools in your BDSM dungeon:
* Latex gloves – Note too that there are latex-free options for those who are sensitive or who are allergic to latex.
* Condoms – Having condoms that fit and that are lubricated can help to reduce the transmission of bodily fluids.
* Dental dams – You can use dental dams to create layers between your mouth and other areas of the body, without reducing sensations that are pleasurable.
All of these barrier methods will ensure the smallest risk of transmission of STDs. Whenever you are sharing bodily fluids, you need to make sure that the partner has either been tested recently or you need to create barriers that will prevent the sharing of these fluids. Fluids that can transmit disease include blood, semen, and saliva. To be absolutely safe, have a partner wear latex gloves to keep their hands clean, use condoms for penetration, and always use new condoms and gloves when switching to a new scene in which new fluids may be exchanged.
While sex is never 100% safe, there are plenty of ways to make your BDSM relationship as safe as humanly possible. Whenever you are concerned about your health, it’s better to be safe than to be sorry in the end.
Please remember the only way to be 100% safe is through abstinence. With any form of sex or BDSM play, there is a risk. Even within a monogamous relationship, there is a risk. Don’t take your health and safety lightly. Always apply safe sex and safe BDSM practices in your scenes.
For more information about STDs and protecting yourself please go to: The Center For Disease Control And Prevention
To your health and safety,
Mistress Brianne
P.S. If you liked this article, please take a minute to e-mail
your friends and let them know about it. Thanks!
================================================================
Copyright 2008-2011 BDSMTrainingAcademy.com. By reading and
accepting this article you agree to all of the following: You
understand that this is simply a set of opinions, personal
experience and anecdotal evidence (and not advice). You are
responsible for any use of the information in this article, and
hold BDSMTrainingAcademy.com and all members and affiliates
harmless in any claim or event.
================================================================
You must be 18+ years old to read this blog
Topping From The Bottom
November 7, 2011
One of the biggest dilemmas in BDSM is when bottoms top when they’re bottoming. Confused yet? This is a situation in which those who are submissive tell their Dominants what a sub wants a Dom/me to do. While it does seem to go against the idea of giving up control to someone else, there are times when this practice is appropriate – and that’s where the arguments begin. If you’ve been curious about this sort of terminology, here are the arguments in both directions.
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Yes, You Should Top from the Bottom
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When you are just getting to know a Dominant, things can be a little confusing for both partners. A Dominant usually has a style that they like to use and know the different sensations past subs have enjoyed, but they have no idea what a new sub likes or how they will react to different sensations.
As a sub you may want to give them some direction, as they might not know your body as well as you might want them to. Of course giving those suggestions in a begging, pleading, respectful and courteous way, might help your cause to convince your new Dominant to take your suggestion.
When a top and a bottom have known each other for a while, topping from the bottom can also help when you are interested more in building up the intensity of your scenes, rather than working out the power dynamics. As a submissive you know the Dominant is in charge, you just want to let them know that you can take more and that you want to take more for Them.
Topping from the bottom might also be necessary when the bottom has physical issues or psychological issues that need to be carefully monitored.
Some people might not consider these examples as topping from the bottom, but just open communication between a Dom and a sub. However others might consider these examples an extreme offense and refuse to play. This is why it is so important to find a partner who’s ideas mesh well with Y/yours. Also discussing proper ways to communicate before a session, can help to eliminate any miscommunication about topping from the bottom.
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No, You Should Not Top from the Bottom
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At the same time, one of the reasons why a bottom becomes a bottom is to give up control to another person. When they top, this makes the top less effective and it blurs the lines between who is in control and who is not. A Dominant who is unable to top the way they like becomes less of a Master or Mistress, and more of a placeholder in the relationship. Since they do not have a clear role, they are simply there to step in when they are needed to satisfy the submissive’s desires – not to control a person. If you want to be in a clear Dominant and submissive relationship, one person needs to be in control, while the other gives up control.
This power dynamic is also not appropriate when you want to train a slave. A slave that doesn’t know their place becomes an ineffective slave. This is not to say that as a slave you can not communicate with your Dominant. It is very important to keep open communication with your Dominant at all times. If things become too intense or too painful, you should say your “SafeWord” to let your Dominant know to stop. If you are feeling confused, frustrated and/or are having negative feelings towards your training, ask to sit down with your Dominant and talk about how you are feeling. This way the both of you can work through things together. Even constructive criticism outside of the dungeon on a Dominant’s techniques or ways to make things more effect for you as a slave are always welcome.
Communication doesn’t just have to be negative. Let your Master or Mistress know what they do that you like and why you like it.
Where the problem with topping from the bottom comes in, is when a submissive gives the Dominant specific instructions on “When, Where And How” a submissive wants to be trained. This usually comes about from a submissive wanting certain things in their training. Instead of letting go of the control and focusing on their training, these submissives only focus on what they want and what they are not getting.
Be honest with yourself, if you are constantly asking for more spankings, floggings, bondage, etc. are you asking for this, so you can let go of your control?
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Dominants Dealing With Subs That Top
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If you have an established and recognized Power Dynamic within your Dom/sub relationship (that does not accept topping from the bottom) and you as the Dominant are finding that your sub is topping from the bottom, there are a few things you can do to correct their behavior:
1) If they are bound, step away from your sub and give them a few minutes of zero play and complete silence. Before you start up again, ask your sub if they know why you decided to punish them like this?
2) If they are not bound, then take them by the collar and leash and lead them to a corner of the room. Instruct them to go into instructional pose or forced pose and while they are there, they are to think about who is in charge of the scene and why they are being punished. After five minutes in forced pose, your sub should be very sorry and begging for forgiveness.
3) If your sub is demanding a certain task or instrument, do the exact opposite. If your sub has been demanding wax play your whole scene and not concentrating on what you are doing or your instructions. Stop what you are doing, go to the freezer and grab some ice cubes for ice play. Again, have your sub explain why you have decided to do this?
4) Give your sub what they want, but only for a brief moment before you switch to the one thing they don’t like. Continuously switch back and forth between the two. They loving flogging, but hate the cane. Not a problem here is one swipe with the flogger, followed by 20 hits with the cane. Make sure you have the sub explain to you why you are doing this to them.
5) If none of the above techniques work, then end the scene. Explain to your sub what the punishment is for and why you decided to punish them this way. Also make sure to inform them that future scenes will be cut short, if the sub refuses to respect the power dynamic, that the both of you originally agreed upon.
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>>>For more ways to enhance the intensity of your Dom/sub relationship go to ===> Dominant/submissive Training
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Regards,
Master Bishop
support@bdsmtrainingacademy.com
P.S. If you liked this article, please take a minute to e-mail
your friends and let them know about it. Thanks!
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Copyright 2008-2011 BDSMTrainingAcademy.com. By reading and
accepting this article you agree to all of the following: You
understand that this is simply a set of opinions, personal
experience and anecdotal evidence (and not advice). You are
responsible for any use of the information in this article, and
hold BDSMTrainingAcademy.com and all members and affiliates
harmless in any claim or event.
================================================================
You must be 18+ years old to read this blog
How to Create a Longer Scene with your Slave
November 4, 2011
While there might be times when you want to make your slave do all of the naughty things you want them to do – all within fifteen minutes – there are other times when you might be more interested in having a longer scene. But with a longer scene comes more problems and often more concerns for you as the Master and for your slave. With a little planning and a few adjustments to the way you normally approach a scene, you can have your slave working hard for you for hours, not just minutes.
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Why Longer Sessions? Are They Necessary?
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Think about it for a minute, your slave can probably be ‘good’ for short periods of time. But the real work begins when a slave is pushed past the point of their comfort. Longer sessions are especially important when a slave has been working with you for a while. They need to be challenged more often so that you can see that they are able to maintain their slave focus for as long as possible. Of course, longer sessions are not always realistic for either person to do, but when you bring in longer sessions, you will be able to really check to see if your slave is just ‘making it through’ your normal sessions or if they are actually learning from your orders.
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Extending a Session Today
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The easiest way to extend a session today is to have your slave perform just five more minutes of a particular task than they are normally asked to do. And instead of telling them that this is the case, you want to simply see how they handle this new challenge. Watch them carefully to see whether they are upset by the change or if they respond well under this new pressure.
Of course, five minutes isn’t that long of an extension. What you really need to do is to create a time period in which your slave can be your slave for an entire day or even a weekend. This way, you can see how your slave responds to being under your control all weekend. At the start of the time period, tell the slave that they are to do ONLY what you want them to do for the entire agreed upon time.
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Planning for a Longer Scene
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While it might be simple for you to extend a scene by a few minutes, extending your sessions by a few hours or days is trickier. To create an effective longer scene, you will need to draft out a plan of what happens, often combining scenes within the time period. Of course, in order to make sure the scenes work well, you will need to come up with ways to segue from scene to scene. You don’t want to lose the energy of one scene by awkwardly moving into a new scene.
Draft out a basic outline of what your longer session will look like, what will be done, etc. Then, put down time limits for each scene, realizing that you might need to adjust your scene as it unfolds. You might even want to create a list of things you definitely want your slave to do as well as a list of things that you hope to fit into your session if you have extra time.
No matter the reason for wanting to have longer scenes, the more you challenge your slave in this way, the more effective you will be as a Master and the more effective the slave will be for your needs. You both need to be pushed past your comfort zones, after all.
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>>>Push your slave to their limits, learn the secrets to Slave Training
=============================================================================
Regards,
Master Bishop
support@bdsmtrainingacademy.com
P.S. If you liked this article, please take a minute to e-mail
your friends and let them know about it. Thanks!
================================================================
Copyright 2008-2011 BDSMTrainingAcademy.com. By reading and
accepting this article you agree to all of the following: You
understand that this is simply a set of opinions, personal
experience and anecdotal evidence (and not advice). You are
responsible for any use of the information in this article, and
hold BDSMTrainingAcademy.com and all members and affiliates
harmless in any claim or event.
================================================================
You must be 18+ years old to read this blog
Learning From Dom/sub Training Mistakes
October 20, 2011
Let’s face it – whether we want to admit it or not, we all make mistakes – in and out of the dungeon. And while it might seem better to simply avoid mistakes in the first place, it also seems like it would be a good idea to learn from the mistakes you do make. Whether you’re a Dominant or a submissive, you can learn from the training mistakes that you make, which will help you to develop your own skills in the dungeon, even if you don’t think you have room to improve – or even if you think it’s the problem of the other person (and it generally isn’t).
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Determine Where Things Might Have Gone Wrong
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You can’t correct a mistake if you’re not sure where the mistake took place. You need to think back over the training session to try to pinpoint the exact moment when the mistake took place and then write this down. It might just be a one time thing, in which case, it can help to simply think the mistake over in your mind. But if you have been feeling like your BDSM has been ‘off’ for a while, it can help to keep a daily journal. If you begin to notice that certain mistakes continue to happen over and over, you will want to make sure that you’re starting to learn from these mistakes. If this should make sense, you might want to call out the mistake as it happens in a scene if the other person doesn’t understand what you’re trying to describe to them. This is a little jarring, but highly effective if you’re having troubles communicating the issue.
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Figure Out the Ideal Scenario Sans Mistakes
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Once you have determined where the training session went wrong, it’s a good idea to talk this out with your partner. You will be able to think out the problem between two people, which is going to be far more effective than just with one person. You two can talk out what you wished would have happened and how you could have avoided the problem to begin with – if that is possible. The main idea is to talk out the problem outside of the bedroom so you can look at the issue objectively and you can begin to see whether something needs to be done or if this was just something that happened and doesn’t need more discussion.
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Training Mistakes That Continue
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But when things continue to happen, the same mistakes again and again, it might be better to stop a scene when they are happening. At that point, both partners will want to try to problem solve the situation. You can then begin to correct the issue as it’s happening and if the solution doesn’t work, try something else. While this might not make your scene as powerful as it might normally be, many partners learn better from actually correcting the mistake mid-scene rather than correcting the mistake in a discussion long after you have separated from each other. Sometimes you can just forget exactly what happens unless you are in the heat of the moment.
Mistakes happen and they happen frequently. But these mistakes don’t have to seem like they’re a sign of bad training – far from it. By learning more about how the two of you work together in a training session, you will be able to learn what you need to learn and then modify your training to work for YOU. And in the long run, this is going to make you the best possible Dominant or the best possible submissive.
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>>>For more ways to enhance the intensity of your Dom/sub relationship go to ===> Dominant/submissive Training
=============================================================================
Regards,
Master Bishop
support@bdsmtrainingacademy.com
P.S. If you liked this article, please take a minute to e-mail
your friends and let them know about it. Thanks!
================================================================
Copyright 2008 BDSMTrainingAcademy.com. By reading and
accepting this article you agree to all of the following: You
understand that this is simply a set of opinions, personal
experience and anecdotal evidence (and not advice). You are
responsible for any use of the information in this article, and
hold BDSMTrainingAcademy.com and all members and affiliates
harmless in any claim or event.
================================================================
You must be 18+ years old to read this blog
The Beauty Of Corsets
October 7, 2011
Leather Corset
Since it typically takes time and effort to get into and out of a corset the simple act of dressing or undressing can take on a whole new aspect, and is a large part of many couples foreplay. For the submissive being dressed in a corset by their Dom/me, they can feel the gradual increase in control with a sense of comfort in the restriction. The submissive dressing a Dominatrix in a corset, can pleasure of serving their Dominant and getting them ready for the session ahead. A perfect warmup to any Dom/sub session.
Brocade & Leather Corset
When wearing a corset outside of the bedroom, the wearer will need to be more careful of how they are moving in their day to day lives. This acts as a constant reminder of the slave’s position in the relationship and can also create a sensation of constant control that can be an everyday task or a special request from the Dominant.
In addition, corsets are an accepted form of everyday wear at certain events, so the wearing of one can be a public display of the slave’s obedience to a Dominant, even if it is not expressed to others that are present. A slave that wears a corset out to a club, for example, will need to move in a dainty manner as well as be easily controlled by others who might touch or hold them.
For Domme’s a corset is perfect for enhancing a woman’s shapely curves and accentuating the beautiful lines that make a submissive drool. Not many submissives can resist a Dominatrix in a beautiful corset. In fact, the corset has become a staple of both the Dominatrix and submissive wardrobe because of the elegant shape and vast variety of designs.
Leather & Brocade Underbust Corset
The one problem with corsets can be the price. One corset can range from $350 – $800. This means that most people only have one corset sitting in their closet. Variety tends to be the spice of life when it comes to Dom/sub sessions. Pulling out the same corset day after day can become boring quickly. Stop spending a fortune on corsets and limiting your fetish fashions. Have a look at O/our selection of Beautiful and Elegant Corsets. This way you can have a number of different corsets within your wardrobe, so you can bring a different flavor to each session you have.
Click Here for Dominant And Submissive Corsets
For plus sized corsets have a look at O/Our Diva Corsets
Regards,
Mistress Brianne
Soft Touch Vinyl Corset
================================================================
Copyright 2008 BDSMTrainingAcademy.com. By reading and
accepting this article you agree to all of the following: You
understand that this is simply a set of opinions, personal
experience and anecdotal evidence (and not advice). You are
responsible for any use of the information in this article, and
hold BDSMTrainingAcademy.com and all members and affiliates
harmless in any claim or event.
================================================================
You must be 18+ years old to read this blog
Sensory Stimulation (vs. deprivation)
October 5, 2011
One of the basic BDSM scenes that you can do is to keep a slave from knowing what is happening. This allows the sensations to be more concentrated and it can cause the slave to be more in tune with the practices they are trying to learn. However, sensory stimulation is another good practice that allows and encourages a slave to focus on their actions without being able to tune out of the lesson. When all of their senses are engaged, can they still focus on the instructions given to them? This is what a Master or Mistress will attempt to find out.
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More Noise
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The scene should begin with loud music, almost deafening loud music that allows the slave the opportunity to focus on what they need to hear. They will need to find a way to tune out the music and listen to their Master or Mistress. The louder the music becomes, the more they are going to falter in their instructions until they realize just how important it is for them to focus on the voice that trains them. Noises can also include things like paddles and other instruments of pleasure and pain, allowing them to create a world that is loud and a world that is focused only on the voice that tells them what to do.
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More Sensations
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The more sensations that a scene can include, the better for the training of a slave. The slave should be subjected to pain and to pleasure, as this causes them to begin to blur the lines between them. The slave will begin to see that they can suffer and enjoy the suffering, even if and when they think they can’t take any more. The slave should have long periods of pain, punctuated by smaller moments of pleasure that make the pain more bearable and more effective. The body should also be looked at as a series of places where these sensations can be delivered, allowing the Master or Mistress many opportunities to begin to see what their slave can handle and what they will do when they are challenged. The slave might also be asked to stay in positions without the help and support of bondage, allowing them to be completely a part of the scene without being able to relax into a certain binding.
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More Interaction
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The Master or Mistress might also want to include more instructions for the slave in this sort of scene. The slave should be asked questions, told to repeat things, etc. You might want to have the slave memorize a certain poem that is long and detailed, helping them have a focus point during all of the sensations and the noise. They should try to repeat this memorized passage at different points, allowing them to connect to another experience in the midst of so many others. The more that the slave is brought into the experience and told to interact, the more their brain will have to focus in order to please their Master or Mistress.
The more sensations that are brought into a scene, the more challenging the scene will become for both Master and Mistress. This allows for training for both people and that will allow for more results in a shorter period of time. Note that this sort of training is not something that should necessarily be done at the first stages of a relationship since it can be overwhelming for the slave. Instead, this should be a scene that is worked up to and used as a final test to move into even more intense training schedules.
=============================================================================
>>>Push your slave to their limits, learn the secrets to Slave Training
=============================================================================
Regards,
Master Bishop
support@bdsmtrainingacademy.com
P.S. If you liked this article, please take a minute to e-mail
your friends and let them know about it. Thanks!
================================================================
Copyright 2008 BDSMTrainingAcademy.com. By reading and
accepting this article you agree to all of the following: You
understand that this is simply a set of opinions, personal
experience and anecdotal evidence (and not advice). You are
responsible for any use of the information in this article, and
hold BDSMTrainingAcademy.com and all members and affiliates
harmless in any claim or event.
================================================================
You must be 18+ years old to read this blog
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