Dom/me Question: I Hurt Him, How Do I Not Do That Again?

August 31, 2014

Flogging A SlaveDom/me Question:

My boyfriend and I just recently started dating though we’ve been best friends for almost four years. He loves being dominated and is a masochist. He knows a lot about BDSM and loves the sub aspect of it. I’m very new to being dom and would love to know a few things. Talking to him about the things he likes has been helping but it’s things like: Riding Crops, Whips, Paddle, etc. that I would really like help with. I hurt him last time we ventured (not in the good way) I would like to not do it again. If you have any tips for me I would greatly appreciate them.

=================================

Master Bishop’s Opinion

The beginnings of any new BDSM relationship can be tricky, especially when you’re both new to this type of interaction. While reading about tips and watching videos can be helpful, often, it’s what happens in your bedroom that will give you the most training, so to speak.

When you’re in the role of being the Dominant, you have a responsibility for the safety and well-being of your submissive. Though you may have gone into this situation with the idea that the other person wants to be hurt, they may not have had this experience yet, so their idea of what this means may not be fully formed.

This is where you can come in and help train them.

Having all of the toys in the world is a start, but learning how to use them is the next part of the process. What I suggest you do is take the toys your boyfriend wants you to use and try them out on your own body. Take the paddle or the whip and try hitting your upper thigh to see how things feel. Find out what harder feels like, and what a soft blow might feel like.

Of course, your boyfriend will have another reaction to these sensations, as no one’s pain tolerance and threshold are the same. But when you start out by seeing what things feel like on yourself, you can begin to understand how the hits will feel on him too.

In the beginning, it’s best to start out with just your hand. If you really want to incorporate an implement than a crop is a relatively good and easy starting point. You will find it fairly easy to control, which will make it easier for you to be accurate with your strikes. Since a crop is very light weight it won’t have the intense impact of a paddle and with a wider impact tip it will not be as stingy as a cane.

Find places on his body where this will be best tolerated, i.e. his buttocks usually has the most cushion for impact. Start there and slowly warming up the skin and the nerves to the sensation. You don’t have to hit hard at first, as you want your boyfriend to tell you when it’s too much or when he wants to try to take more pain.

One thing I always incorporate with someone new that I’m training is have them tell Me how hard they want to hit.  Ask your sub on a scale from 1 to 10 (1 being the lightest and 10 being the hardest) what is the hardest you want to be spanked, cropped, flogged, whipped, etc.  You should ask for each type of impact toy as each have different levels of intensity and varying sensations. A sub may be able to handle a level 8 in spanking but only a level 4 with a cane.  

Once they have given you a level they believe they can handle, you will spank them with your hand or the implement and have them gauge the level of intensity they believe that impact was.  Lets say the most intense spanking your sub wants to receive is a 5.  Now you will proceed to spank them once with this level 5 in mind. After they receive this spank, ask your sub what level of intensity they thought that spank was on.  This is the important part, because here is where you are going to match your ideas of intensity together.

While I may believe the spank I just gave them was a five, how they feel the spank to be is what matters.  They may think that that spank I just gave them was a 3 at which point I need to try again with another spank that is just a little harder.  If they believe the spank was a 6, then I need to try again with a spank that is a little lighter.  Keep trying until the sub agrees that the intensity matches the level they are comfortable with.  You will find that most times it is fairly quick to match up the intensity levels between yourself and a sub.

With that said, this does not mean that you only spank, whip, flog or cane at that level.  This is just showing the absolute hardest impact that your sub is capable of receiving at this time.  When it comes to dishing out an impact session you will cycle through many different intensity levels, speeds, and styles.  Again start slow and light, slowly work your way to more intense (like a 3 or 4) for just a few seconds, come back down for a minute, work your way back up to a 4 and stay there for a minute.  Stop all together and run your fingernails over their red bottom which should start becoming more sensitive to touch.  Start slow again and after each impact hold the impact toy onto the place of impact, then try hitting and removing the impact toy immediately away.  Those just those two different strokes can produce very different sensations. After each impact try caressing the area with your hand…etc.  The point is that they are many ways in which you can switch up your striking to create different sensations for your sub. 

Don’t just try to hit your sub as hard are you can for as long as you can. In fact at first, you may not be able to hit his pain threshold, nor should you. In the beginning, you both need to learn what he can tolerate, and you need to be ready to stop IMMEDIATELY if he asks you to stop or uses a safe word.

Speaking of that, you need a safe word that will allow your partner to know they are in control of the pain they feel. This is especially important when you’re first starting out. They need to know they can stop things at any time and that you can be trusted to help them as they learn what works for them.

When the safe word is used, you need to stop. You can’t push past this point or else you will hurt them. At the same time, your boyfriend needs to be willing to take care of himself so that he isn’t hurt as well.

Remember, it’s not a contest to see how much pain you can inflict, but rather this is an exchange of power. He has given you permission to start to inflict pain, and you need to give him permission to tell you when it’s too much.

If you are still unsure about whether or not you might hurt your sub, try applying these techniques:

1) Accuracy is key to ensuring you don’t hurt your submissive when you play.  Many injuries occur because a Dominant ends up hitting the wrong area.  Instead of waiting to practice on your sub, get out a pillow and mark the pillowcase with an ‘x’ Now practice getting used to the how the tool moves in your hand and make sure you can consistently land the implement exactly where you want too.

2) With each smack of your implement have your submissive scream the level of intensity they believe that impact to have been. This way you can make sure that you are staying within their comfort and intensity level. Also this allows you to see more clearly how your submissive is holding up under each impact.  What they might have thought was a 3 in the beginning could become a 7 or 8 as the session progresses.  Even though you are swinging with the same force this change in intensity can be an indicator that the submissive is becoming overwhelmed and you should look at stopping the session.

3) Check in while play.  Some kinksters believe that checking in during a session can destroy the mood.  I believe as a Dominant that it is My responsibility to look after My submissive.  So while playing I make sure that My submissive is happy and wanting to continue with the scene.

4) Always sit down with your submissive and debrief what has just happened during your session.  Get some honest feedback, see what they liked, what they didn’t like and find out if there was anything else you could have done to make the session more intense or more enjoyable for them.

5) Always start with just one toy. Once you have both learned how it works, what he can take, and what he can not, you can choose to increase the intensity (if that is desirable) or once you have mastered that impact tool you can choose to learn a new implement’s abilities.

It’s a hard lesson when you find out you have hurt your partner more than was intended or expected. But you are reaching out now to learn how you can do better. You have a difficult role as the Dominant, and great care needs to be taken at first and, actually, at all times. Much of this relationship is trust, and when you don’t do what you say you’re going to do, you may find your boyfriend is less than willing to stay in the relationship.

Start slowly, build up to more strikes, and then move to other parts of the body when your boyfriend is ready. You can’t become a super-intense Dominant in one session or even ten sessions together. Like anything, good things take time.

Regards,

Master Bishop

================================================================

Copyright 2008-2014 BDSMTrainingAcademy.com. By reading and
accepting this article you agree to all of the following: You
understand that this is simply a set of opinions, personal
experience and anecdotal evidence (and not advice). You are
responsible for any use of the information in this article, and
hold BDSMTrainingAcademy.com and all members and affiliates
harmless in any claim or event.

================================================================

You must be 18+ years old to read this blog

When Master Struggled, i Learned

August 20, 2014

i am a slave devoted to the loving care, happiness and desires of my Master. But recently it was beginning to feel as if i had no tools, no training, no clue or understanding about how to help that one most important person in my life, my Master.

It is amazing how unbalanced you can feel when the person who takes care of all your needs is struggling. When the one person who is always calm and in control, focused and strong is faced with a situation that is creating tremendous strain and stress on them and they now seem to be unbalanced themselves.

When i look at all that Master has done and continues to do every day so that W/we can live this amazing life.; To make sure that all my needs are met emotional, physically, financially, spiritual, i am flooded with such deep love and respect for Him. I’m humbled by His passion and capacity to love, His strength, integrity, honesty, His guidance, patience and humor. i understand more deeply my feelings of gratitude and honor to belong to Him. How blessed i am to Love Him… Why every day i choose to serve Him. Read more

So watching Him struggle, seeing Him on edge and unbalanced, feeling His frustration was torture and not the fun kind. Now i may be a masochist but this kind of pain i was not handling very well. All i wanted to do was yell RED!!!.

Every day Master gets up at 5:00am, He gently wakes me with a kiss and then off to prepare for work. Yes work. Ok a bit of drama, but you know the story. Struggling, He finds himself in a position where He must deal with the current situation until He can safely make a change without compromising O/our stability. It’s been frustrating and stressful to say the least.

Over the past few months it seems things have just become more difficult, and stress filled for Master. In my heart i wish He could just quit this job. Walk away and not look back. I’m pretty certain this is exactly what He wants to do as well but He can’t… actually He won’t. He won’t because He would never walk away from His responsibilities or obligations. He won’t because He has promised to take care of me. He won’t because as a Master with integrity and Honor He is expected to take care of everything.

Master’s stress is off the charts and He struggles daily to control it and to protect me from undue worry. Still, i could feel it in His touch and see it in his eyes when He would drift off inside Himself. i wanted to serve, wanted desperately to help relieve Master’s stress. i Wanted…. no Needed to do whatever i could to show Master that i was grateful for all He has done for U/us and O/our family and that i was strong and able and willing to do whatever i could to help.

i became almost consumed with thinking about what more i could do to help. How can i make this better for Sir? How can i be a better slave and take better care of Master? ???????

So i tried the usual. More service.

i learned how to use the lawn tractor, Taking on more chores at home, adding to my domestic service. i actually am enjoy mowing the lawn and i think Master likes the way i look in my shorts, tank top and work boots sitting on top of the lawn mower. Then i made a few budgetary changes, financial service… help relieve some financial stress. Increased personal services, massage, sexual offers… you get the picture.

So while all of my efforts were extremely appreciated, they did not seem to be working. Master was still coming home, stressed, frustrated, tired, angry, and struggling so hard to keep control. In fact i think my extra efforts were actually adding to His stress. Sir is a very generous and appreciative Master and He likes to reward me for my extra efforts and services with special play or training and while fun and distracting they require planning and time and energy and can add to a Master’s stress. Just thinking about all the preparation and planning that goes into a training or play session and i get tired.

Next i tried distraction. Both productive and fun.

Saturday, Master had to stay close to home and on call in case he was needed at the office (yeah… great start to the stress free weekend i had hoped for). So i suggested perhaps Saturday would be an excellent day for U/us to tackle a top to bottom, spit shine cleaning of the Sun room. It was a big project, removing and cleaning windows and the window tracts and walls and ceiling. Oh did I mention Master’s Sun room has 2 full walls of windows and 2 walls and a ceiling that are completely white aluminum wall panels. There is also the Pool table, to be cleaned and polished, and the carpet to be cleaned and shampooed as well. Like i said it was a big project.

So i put on my shortest shorts, tight tank top and purple rubber gloves (sexy) and began gathering cleaning supplies. Master turned on the radio to a favorite station and the cleaning began. Well there was cleaning, and singing and dancing and touching and pinching and grabbing and teasing of all sorts and oh yes more cleaning and more laughing. Then there was a lunch break… and more, dancing, and cleaning and grabbing.

The weekend turned out to be a great success but i knew Monday would come….

Monday morning after kissing Sir and wishing Him the good day i knew He just would not have, i began my daily chores. I felt some relief that the weekend brought Sir some much needed laughter and distraction and He was able to decompress and unwind a bit and let go a bit. But i was certain i couldn’t do this every weekend. Master has amazing energy levels but i’m certain this is not the area He would prefer to expend them in….

As my mind continued to review and rewind and re-examine, i began to notice that my own focus had become unbalanced and obstructed. i was becoming forgetful. Missing simple instructions and lacking in attention and direction. i was consumed with concern for Master’s physical and mental health…. What can i do?

Perhaps i should consider returning to work? Perhaps this would make it easier for Master?  He could take a step back and refocus His efforts on trying to obtain another job. One He would be happier at.

So many questions…

Then somewhere in the middle of this kaleidoscope of thoughts and feelings and self-examination i realized that perhaps i need to change the questions. Instead of; what can i do, what can i change, how can i fix this?

Perhaps what i should be asking is, Am i providing Master with what He wants and desires?

Do i serve Him with an open and honest heart?

Do i submit freely without reservation or hesitation?

Am i open and available and willing to provide any and all service Master may ask of me, within our agreed limits of course? Has Master asked anything of me that i have not provided?

Am i being the loving, obedient, devoted, slave i promised Master i would be? Isn’t this where your focus needs to be?

Okay, i am determined to keep focused on my responsibilities, rituals, protocols. Focus on my service and obedience to Master. Master deserves nothing less.  Just focus on being His slave…

The weekend is almost here and i must schedule time to talk with Sir about our weekend obligations and potential social calendar. i begin to get anxious, once again concerned that i will be bringing another decision, another burden to His already full plate. I close my eyes, take deep breaths and focus on Master. Then i hear Him, in my head. The instructions are clear. i am to review, confirm and RSVP and acknowledge or decline all social events on Master’s behalf… (Social service)… This is my responsibility. This is what Master requires. This is what Master needs from me.

The schedule meeting time has arrived and i am sitting at Master’s feet and W/we are discussing O/our week and the upcoming weekend. Master is trying to focus but i can see He is struggling i can see His mind is drifting. i think it is about work. “Sir we can review the schedule later if You prefer?” i respectfully suggest.

“No, This is the time I set” He replied. Continuing i reminded Sir that i had a tentative social gathering with a few submissive friends on Saturday afternoon and i need to confirm or decline my attendance. Sir always encourages me to get out and spend time with friends both in and out of the lifestyle.

Master became very still and pensive for what seemed like many, many long minutes. i sat quietly waiting for Him to decide if i had His permission to attend. i was growing concerned and nervous with each passing moment. Not sure if He had heard me or not. But i waited…

Then Master gently looked down at me and said, “i know how hard you have been trying to relieve My stress. i appreciate all the… let’s say creative and interesting and fun ways you have found to distract and please me. Thank you for that. I also know how much you have been struggling to find the service you could give me that would bring me peace and balance. Your determination and devotion to serve amazes me. I also know how much you look forward to these get-togethers, and you deserve to unwind, but this time you are going to decline.

Yes, for all your efforts i am going to disappoint you..   you are going to decline. you are going to decline because this weekend all i need is to have you right here, at my feet, sitting, kneeling, and serving. In My arms, body wrapped around Me, under Me, over Me. Holding tight to the Love and Passion W/we share. Reminding me of how lucky i am to own you. This weekend all i need is for you to Stay right here!!!!! Stay and be my slave….”

My tears began flow as my lip trembled trying to control the emotions. i was consumed with love and complete devotion. i could barely speak all i could think to say was “yes Master” “Thank You Sir”…

i understood right then, i didn’t need to find more tasks or chores. Or create projects or distractions or to try and offer solutions that were not mine to offer.

Sometimes the best thing i can do is to just be His slave. Do exactly what it is He has asked of me. Don’t look to change or fix everything. Know that, this is not my responsibility.

i learned, sometimes the best thing i can do is just Walk with Him as he moves through His struggles. Sit with Him during quiet times. Maintain my own balance, focus, and submissive attitude, mindset, heart and behavior. Acknowledge, understand, accept, and embrace my role and responsibilities as His slave and to just…. Stay!!!!

sub kathleen

================================================================

Copyright 2008-2014 BDSMTrainingAcademy.com. By reading and
accepting this article you agree to all of the following: You
understand that this is simply a set of opinions, personal
experience and anecdotal evidence (and not advice). You are
responsible for any use of the information in this article, and
hold BDSMTrainingAcademy.com and all members and affiliates
harmless in any claim or event.

================================================================

You must be 18+ years old to read this blog

Is It Coincidence?

July 21, 2014

The beauty of a silent submissive



















I think this was very much on purpose.  To listen one must be silent, both truly important skills for a submissive to master.  What do you think?

Master Bishop

 

Why Speaking Sweetly Can Make Your Sub Cringe

July 9, 2014

Your sub, by now, knows about your mean voice and it probably makes him cringe. He doesn’t know what it might be saying, but he knows he’s in for something terrible. When you start to create a long-term BDSM relationship, it’s easy to fall into patterns that work for you. And when you’re training your slave, being mean is often a great way to make sure that he listens. But you need to switch things up – by talking sweetly.

More Flies with Honey?

When you think about it, you already know that talking sweetly to others will get you what you want. Though you might try to be mean in your everyday life, that just doesn’t work as well outside of the dungeon. Instead, you need to be nice, but not so nice that you’re a pushover. When you are with your slave and you tell him naughty and horrible things in a sweet voice, he will still get the message. Notice how he shivers a bit because you sound like you’re sweet, even harmless, but the content of what you’re saying is going to cause him to be at your feet. He knows that you could turn in an instant, and that keeps him on his toes. Read more

Keeping Your Words the Same

Yes, when you’re changing the way that you talk to your slave, remember that content is more important than ever. You need to keep up the humiliation, the taunting, and the names that you call your slave. When you do this, you will ensure that he listens because he’s not expecting to hear any of that. He might be thinking that you’re finally going to treat him like a true equal, or some other crazy thought. Instead, you need to continue talking to him, training him, and you’ll notice that he’s not as painful during training sessions where he just seems to ache for punishment. Instead, he listens to you because he knows that you’re still focused on making him the best slave possible.

Never Be the Same Person Twice

You can start talking sweetly without any introduction. Keep your voice light and feminine, if possible, and talk about things without yelling once during a training session. Not only will this shift training for your slave, but you will also notice that you’re not going to be as overwhelmed by the sessions either. You’re going to stay cool and collected, allowing your slave to have the best possible training. Your head will be in the game and you will stay detached, to a certain extent, because you’re not raising your voice and getting more heated (and exhausted) than you need to be.

Speaking sweetly may not seem like the meanest toy in your dungeon, but it’s essential when you have a slave that has grown accustomed to the way that you usually do things. By merely talking without any anger or intensity, you will make your slave realize that you are always their Mistress, no matter what you might sound like. They will begin to learn that you are the one that is in charge, even when you’re not upset with them. Sometimes, you need to catch a slave with a honey voice, one that makes them wonder when you might turn on the anger again. The anticipation of being afraid of you will only make them more nervous about what you’re going to do next. And that’s the mindset your slave should have as they are training. They’re yours to control because they are only looking to you for guidance.

Regards,

Mistress Sophia

================================================================

Copyright 2008-2014 BDSMTrainingAcademy.com. By reading and
accepting this article you agree to all of the following: You
understand that this is simply a set of opinions, personal
experience and anecdotal evidence (and not advice). You are
responsible for any use of the information in this article, and
hold BDSMTrainingAcademy.com and all members and affiliates
harmless in any claim or event.

================================================================

You must be 18+ years old to read this blog

Domination Of An Alpha Submissive

June 25, 2014

Having discussed the ups and downs of a long term Dominant/submissive relationship with Master Alan, I figured everybody could benefit from their fifteen years together.  While a Dom/sub dynamic seems simple enough from the outside looking, in fact it can be even more complex and difficult to manage.  However, the benefits and joys that one can experience if able to work through such difficult situations can prove to be truly euphoric.  Many would agree well worth any struggle.

This is why I asked Master Alan to share with you his story about the winding and sometimes bumpy road He and his Alpha submissive took to get where they are now.  Clearly this long journey can not be expressed in one article, so Master Alan will be sharing his story in multiple articles.  I hope you enjoy and learn from his experience and knowledge.

Regards,

Master Bishop

============================

I want to take a moment to clarify something. What I will be discussing here is my personal dynamic and beliefs. I personally feel that when you place a collar on a sub/slave (s/s) that it holds the same weight as a legal marriage. It is a commitment. I am not referring to a collar used during play for purposes of restraint. I am talking about when you collar a s/s as your property and take ownership. You should also understand that this lifestyle has many different aspects to it. What works for us, can be (and usually is), totally different from what works for others. There is no right or wrong dynamic, but what works for your situation. Our dynamic has evolved over the years to what it is today. I am sure that it will look totally different ten years from now.

Read more

We have been together almost fifteen years as of this writing. We were legally married over fourteen years ago and after the reception I placed my collar on her. She didn’t cry at the wedding but she did as I slipped that collar around her neck. We have had our ups and downs and nearly divorced four years ago. We have worked through all of our issues and continue to move forward. Living a D’s dynamic can be more challenging than a vanilla relationship, but the rewards are far greater. When your s/s is completely devoted to you in their heart, mind and soul, you will know what I mean.

Most could not handle my sub. She is an alpha female outside of our relationship. She is an extremely strong willed person. When we met, she was a go to, get it done business manager. She was on top of her game and climbing the corporate ladder. She was in charge of all aspects of her professional life. At the time her personal life was full of ups and downs, with mostly downs. She had always dated men that have dominant personalities but not in the D’s lifestyle. Most were abusive, in a bad way, and a couple were just game players or trolls. Due to things that happened to her as a child and as an adult, she had built a huge wall around herself. She had serious trust issues which included her family. At the end of the day when we are at home, she submits to my authority. She knows that I will do what’s best for us and I have her complete trust.

The first obstacle I had, was gaining her trust. A s/s gives their submission to you, it is not something that you can take from them. A s/s will not give their submission to someone they don’t trust. A sub must know that you have their best interest at heart and that you will not injure them. They must also trust you not to push them beyond their limits, turning what should be fun play into outright abuse or assault. They must also trust that their submission is not a one way street.

A s/s is still a person, a human being. They have needs, wants and fears and it is different for each one. All of the Dominants, with long lasting D’s relationships which I know, have taken the time to figure out the things their s/s needs and provide it. They give back to their s/s in a loving and caring way. This will definitely look different in every relationship, but it is there.

We as Doms/Masters (D/M) are responsible for our play things. It is a responsibility that should not be taken lightly. When you take on a full time sub/slave, you become responsible for their health and well-being. If they are sick you take them to the doctor. If they are sad you comfort them. If they need clothing, you buy it. The list goes on, but each s/s will have needs that must be met if you’re going to have a successful D’s relationship. They are still human beings and look to us to provide them some form of security and comfort in their lives.

Our personal dynamic has changed several times over the years. My sub was a stay at home mom for ten years but is back in the workforce. During the time she was a stay at home, all of the domestic responsibilities fell on her. She was responsible for keeping the home running on a day to day basis. I paid bills and did do more of the “man-ly” things like yard work and home repairs. I do a lot of cooking as well. I enjoy it and I am a much better cook than her because I have trained with professional chefs. Once she reentered the workforce we changed our dynamic. We now split the work at home and normally complete all the domestic duties by working together. It allows us more time and energy to do the things that truly matter.

On my next writing I will get more into the dynamic of our personal relationship. Remember, this is how I live a D’s dynamic and is not an end all for a D’s relationship. Ours is a committed life long relationship and requires work every day if it is to survive.

Sincerely,

Master Alan

================================================================

Copyright 2008-2014 BDSMTrainingAcademy.com. By reading and
accepting this article you agree to all of the following: You
understand that this is simply a set of opinions, personal
experience and anecdotal evidence (and not advice). You are
responsible for any use of the information in this article, and
hold BDSMTrainingAcademy.com and all members and affiliates
harmless in any claim or event.

================================================================

You must be 18+ years old to read this blog

All About Ass Worship

June 19, 2014

Slave Worshipping Dominatrix' AssFor some BDSM couples, it’s all about the ass. And why shouldn’t it be? Round and ripe for all sorts of play, this area of the body can be erogenous as much as it can be a target for punishment. In the practice of ass worship, you can begin to focus on your partner’s ass or you can have your ass worshipped, depending on your desires. Here are some basic ways you can begin to create an ass filled night, pun intended.

Oral Pleasure and the Ass

While many people think that ass worship only goes one way, in fact ass worship can go both ways.

Worshiping your Dom/me’s Ass:  Any submissive can easily  pleasure their Master’s cock or their Mistress’ pussy on command. Most usually beg for the chance.  However, to be forced to get on their knees and only be allowed to pleasure the dirtiest of holes can be a powerful experience for a sub.  This form of ass worship expresses two very clear points: Read more

1)The submissive is not an equal to the Dom/me and that their place is beneath their Dom/me. Literally with their face in the Dom/me’s ass. Ever heard of a “Brown-Noser?” This is literally what you are making your sub do.  They have to suck up to the Dom/me by sticking their face in the Dominant’s ass.

2) It is the submissive’s job to please their Dom/me, in any way They may desire (within pre-discussed limits).  A good submissive will want to please their Dom/me even if it means that they are only worthy enough to worship their Dom/me’s ass.  Think about it, a Dom/me only uses this part of their body for dirtiest of activities and a submissive is being made to worship it.  This can be a very humiliating and/or humbling experience for a slave.

Worshiping A Slave’s Ass:  There’s nothing as exciting as making a slave scream with pleasure when a Dom/me is worshiping a slave’s ass orally. When the slave is bound up, they can have their ass licked and stimulated with the tongue. While this is pleasurable for lots of subs because of the many nerve endings in the ass, this can also be a scene of humiliation for some slaves. Since the ass is the ‘dirty’ place that no one is supposed to see or to touch, this becomes a risqué and edge pushing scene for many a slave. To prepare for this sort of scene, it might be a good idea for the slave to be instructed to clean the area thoroughly as this will only serve to make them all the more excited for the upcoming scene.

This type of worship also enforces the idea that the sub’s body belongs to their Dom/me.  That no part of their body is off limits (if previously agreed upon).  Their body belongs to their Dominant, including this most intimate and sensitive of areas.

Filling the Ass for Pleasure

But this anal opening is also a place that is not supposed to have anything put into it, which can make this a very intense scene.

Worshiping A Slave’s Ass: Penetrating a submissive anally can have a very powerful effect for both the Dom/me and sub.  The anus is such a extremely sensitive and delicate part of a person’s body, even more so then the vagina or penis.  Therefore to receive something in the anus at their Dom/me’s command takes a lot of trust from a submissive and makes them extremely vulnerable. Penetrating a submissive anally can show:

1) That the submissive trusts their Dominant and that even when given access to such a delicate part of a sub, they know their Dominant will protect them and do everything in your power to not hurt them.

2) That the submissive’s body belongs to the Dom/me and they will provide the Dom/me with pleasure when they want and how they want.  Even if it means giving their Dominant access to such an uncommonly used hole.

When you want to worship a slave’s ass, it can be highly exciting to see what sorts of items can be placed into the anus. Don’t get too carried away, some slaves have tighter asses, so they will need you to begin very slowly. Anal Training a submissive is not an overnight process, it is very hard for both the Dom/me and submissive. One helpful tool can be to incorporate an anal training kit. These kits include butt plugs that gradually get larger with each plug, helping the slave begin to feel more and more comfortable with anal penetration one step at a time. Dildos can also be used as can inflatable butt plugs, when the submissive becomes more comfortable and advanced.

Helpful Tip: Keep these items in the ass as long as possible during other activities, i.e. oral sex, to help connect the ass play with pleasure.

Worshiping A Dom/me’s Ass: While anally penetrating a Dom/me is not as common as with a sub in a Dom/sub relationship, there are some Dom/me’s that do enjoy this kind of worship.  While the submissive may get a chance to worship their Dom/me’s ass by penetrating it, this does not mean they will have the honor of being the one to penetrate it. 

Many Dom/mes will use a dildo face harness so they can still enjoy the sensations of anal penetration while maintaining a Dominant position with their submissive.   This power dynamic is maintained while: 

1) The submissive is allowed to pleasure their Dom/me as is their job, they however do not get the honor of being the one to penetrate their Dom/me.  This means they are always on the outside, so there is no physical stimulation for them to enjoy as they service their Dom/me. All they can do is focus on worshiping their Dom/me’s ass as they move the harness in and out

2) The Dominant stands over their submissive, thus forcing the sub to their knees and beneath their Dom/me in order to utilize the face harness.

3) For a sub knowing they are so close to something they know would feel amazing can drive them wild.  Being in this frenzied state can heighten their need to please their Dom/me for hopefully that one chance that they just might be allowed. A powerful tool in any Dom/me’s arsenal is creating a state of wild frenzied sexual energy mixed with hope that can keep a sub truly motivated. Hence allowing a submissive to look but not to touch.

Punishment and Ass Play

Some Dominants like to worship the ass by seeing just how much abuse it can take. You can use several different techniques to make sure the ass is cherry red and sensitive at the end of the session: spanking, flogging, whipping, etc. It’s always a good idea to begin with spanking as this will make the blood rush to the surface of the skin, and this will ensure maximum sensitivity for other implements. Once the skin is good and red, then you can use a crop or some other implement to continue the ass worship. Of course, inserting something into the ass during this practice can be a good test of a slave’s concentration. Let them know they need to keep the object in their ass – or get punished even more.

Whether Y/you want to show Your submissive that their body belongs to You or prove to your Dominant how much you worship every inch of Them.   Everyone wins with ass worship, so don’t forget to add some into your training regime.

Regards,

Master Bishop

P.S.  Feel free to add any of your favorite ways to ass worship.  Just leave a comment below.

================================================================

Copyright 2008-2014 BDSMTrainingAcademy.com. By reading and
accepting this article you agree to all of the following: You
understand that this is simply a set of opinions, personal
experience and anecdotal evidence (and not advice). You are
responsible for any use of the information in this article, and
hold BDSMTrainingAcademy.com and all members and affiliates
harmless in any claim or event.

================================================================

You must be 18+ years old to read this blog

How To Intensify Your Sub’s Training

June 9, 2014

At some point of your training, you begin to realize that your submissive can be more than they are at that moment. Whether they have already learned everything you have taught them or they simply seem bored with being a submissive, a Dominant’s job is to make sure that training continues. Let’s talk about how you can intensify your training sessions so that your slave is going to realize that you’re not done with them – not at all.

First Things First…

Sit down with your submissive outside of the Dungeon and talk to them. Ask them how they feel in regards to their training. Some things you need to understand and the more you understand the better you will be able to ramp up their training:

These questions can give you a good idea of whether your submissive is overdoing things, being pushed too hard and/or is close to burning out.

You can always ask more questions, these are just meant to help you get started

Use Harder Toys

Read more

The usual way that Masters will increase their training force is by adding new toys to the dungeon. There are so many devious toys available today that you can simply go to a store online or in your town to find things that whip, scrape, and do all sorts of naughty things. Look for things that cause more intense reactions, even besides pain. For example, a larger than normal gag can be just the thing your slave needs to be quiet, for one, but it will also make her feel all the more helpless, which can cause her to be trained more effectively. Pick out three new toys that you think your slave agrees to and then see just how much better a slave they become after just a few sessions with the new experiences.

BDSM Toy Shop Discount Ad

Train More Often

An easy way to begin to increase the intensity of your training sessions is to have more sessions than you normally have. If you can meet every day, then this will certainly allow you to cultivate more slave behaviors. While this also means that you as the trainer are going to have more work to do in terms of planning, you will also have a slave that is learning things faster and responding to your commands more quickly. Consider drawing up an intense training plan for a week or two, and then go back to the training schedule you had before. Sometimes, you just need to train together more in order to help keep training difficult and challenging for the both of you.

Schedule Weekend Sessions

If you can’t train every day, and this just isn’t possible for many BDSM couples, you might want to plan a weekend of uninterrupted training. This will allow you both to work closely with each other, while also getting away from the distractions of the real world. In these weekend trainings, you can have your slave serve you the entire time, testing them the whole time to see just how much they have learned. Since they may not be accustomed to being a slave 24/7, this becomes a great way to see where their flaws might be and what training has to done next in order to make them better. This is also a good time to give them a list of things to accomplish during the weekend. You might be pleasantly surprised by their willingness to serve, and this feeling of being a good slave might just carry forward into your vanilla life with them when you are home.

Don’t Limit Your Training To The Dungeon

The point of sub training is to help a submissive to learn and grow as a submissive and a person. Don’t think all training must come from you. In fact, there are entire institutions and schools already built that can help to ramp up a submissive’s training. It really depends on what you are looking for and what your submissive is interested in learning.

  • If you want help with your business, there a lots of different courses from business admin, business management, Public relations, marketing…etc
  • Want to do more hosting at your home than have your sub taking a fine dining course, wine tasting studies or anything that would help them to make that night perfect.
  • Don’t forget that domestic servitude has plenty of courses as well. There are tons of Culinary classes a submissive can take to enhance their culinary expertise.
  • A nice long massage at the end of a long day is one of the best things to look forward too. While all massages are nice, a massage from a trained submissive is divine. Of course they will never learn the correct technique if they are not taught.

Let your imagination run wild with different training/courses your submissive can take to enhance their service.

Test, Test And Test Some More

If your submissive believes training has become so easy that they are bored than now is the perfect time to test them on that theory. You see to become so bored of training means that your submissive believes they have mastered all their skills to the point of it being second nature. This means they no longer have to think about what to do and all their reactions will be instantaneous. Make sure your submissive understands what it means when they say their training is easy.

Once they understand, setup an extended schedule of testing. You can even make a calendar, or setup a day planner where each test will be displayed. Don’t tell them what the test is on, just that there will be a test and to be prepared for it. If they fail the test or don’t show a second nature reaction, spend your training time drilling those errors and/or include an appropriate punishment. If however, at the end of a one or two week intensive test period they prove they have mastered all the skills you have ever taught them than make sure they receive a substantial and generous reward.

The point is if a submissive believes they have mastered everything you have taught then they need to prove it.

Strained Testing

If a skill has become second nature, than the slave should be able to perform any task or answer any question asked of them instantly. It is very easy passing a test when there are no distractions.  Even if a submissive is able to pass multiple tests this does not mean the learned skill or behavior has become second nature. Having them in a strained position/situation can distract their conscious mind and make it difficult to quickly recall memorized answers.  Whereas instinctual responses will happen whether or not a submissive’s mind is distracted.

The positions don’t even have to be extremely intense or all that strained. You really only need to provide a little force over an extended period of time.  This force will slowly become more and more intense. As it becomes more intense the submissive will need to rely more on their natural instincts then their memory to answer questions or perform tasks.

Popular strained positions can be as easy as having the submissive sitting down on their tippy toes. Another can have the slave standing upright, hands stretched out at their sides level with their shoulders and a book placed in each hand. At first, this doesn’t seem all that bad but after a few minutes their shoulders will begin to ache. That ache can be very distracting.

An alternative to this is having the submissive hold a tray with a glass of water in front of themselves. Again over time the tray will become heavier but better yet they will need to ensure that the water never spills as you continue to test them. Their goal will be to keep the water in the glass, while it will be your goal to get your submissive to spill the water.

Of course, using any of the usual BDSM techniques such as spanking, flogging, caning, clamps…and anything else your devious mind can come up with that will distract your submissive’s conscious can work.  You can use them as stand alone distraction tools while you test your submissive or you can incorporate them while your submissive is holding water/books.

If you’ve noticed that your slave isn’t getting any better or that they’re getting worse at things they used to do perfectly, it’s time to make things harder. Just as with physical exercise, your slave can’t excel if you’re not pushing them to do better. Always make sure that you check in with your submissive after each training session to see if the increase in intensity is working for them.  By communicating about what works and what did not, you can both learn from the experience and change things as needed.

Regards,

Master Bishop

================================================================

Copyright 2008-2014 BDSMTrainingAcademy.com. By reading and
accepting this article you agree to all of the following: You
understand that this is simply a set of opinions, personal
experience and anecdotal evidence (and not advice). You are
responsible for any use of the information in this article, and
hold BDSMTrainingAcademy.com and all members and affiliates
harmless in any claim or event.

================================================================

You must be 18+ years old to read this blog

Making BDSM Dating A Little Easier

May 30, 2014

HelpWantedToFindAKinkyPartnerFinding a compatible partner in the vanilla world can be a very difficult task.  Each person has different morals, values, sense of humor, goals in life, physical tastes, etc, etc  There are hundreds of different things that can make or break a vanilla relationship and determine if two individuals will ever be truly compatible.  Now if dating is difficult in the vanilla world, that must make dating in the Kinky community extremely difficult.

You still have all the difficulties and compatibility issues that vanilla daters face but now you have to find someone that is your complete opposite in regards to your kinks.  If you like being Dominant then you need to find someone who likes to be submissive, however its not that simple. Does this person have similar kinks and lifestyle desires as you?  Are they wanting to be in a 24/7 Dom/sub relationship or are they just looking to be submissive in the bedroom.  Do they want a monogamous relationship or a poly relationship. If you enjoy spanking, flogging, caning, bondage, etc, do they enjoy these activities as well.  I’m sure you can see how being kinky adds so many more dynamics to an already complex dating situation.  While it may seem impossible to find someone in this lifestyle, you have to remember there is someone for everyone in this world.

Where To Find A Partner

Read more

Local Munches

Go onto to google and search for “Your town/city, State/Province munches” This should give you a few websites that will point you in the direction of munches being held in your area.  Munches are just a meetup of local kinksters who get together over lunch or dinner.  There is no playing of any kind.  Its just a chance to meet local people in your area.

Many people become frustrated by going to munches because they never meet someone anyone they date.  Well you shouldn’t go to munches with the idea of meeting your next life partner.  Instead you should go to a munch just looking to make friends.  Get to know different people, you might meet your new best friend or perhaps someone you could learn a new skill from or maybe there is someone who knows a person you might like.  Munching is all about just getting out and meeting new people in a safe pressure free public environment.

Fetish Events

Most places these days have fetish events happening almost every month if not multiple times a month.  Again go to google and search for “Your town/city, State/Province BDSM Events” or “Your town/city, State/Province Fetish Events”

These events are not as casual as a munch and like most nightclubs they can be difficult to meet and talk to new people.  With that said you probably won’t find a place with more kinky people all in one spot at same time then a BDSM event.

Online

There are lots of online BDSM dating sites, kinky social networks, forums, and online communities.  While online will have tons of kinksters it also tends to attract fakers, gawkers, posers, and assholes.  It can be very difficult to push through all the rough to find that one special person.  You have to remember that it is very easy to anybody to create a anonymous account and do whatever they want with little or no consequences.

This can make things hard for you as a real genuine individual trying to separate yourself from the fakes and trying to find that special individual amongst all the time wasters.

How To Attract A Partner Online

Since most of the emails I receive ask how to meet someone online, I’m going to focus on ways you can improve your chances of meeting that special kinky person online.

Photo

When someone comes to your profile and they see you don’t have a single picture of yourself, alarm bells start ringing.  In a day and age when everybody has a cell phone and every cell phone has a camera and selfies are the most common image online, people assume the worst when they see a profile without a picture.  The mind starts racing to the point where they assume the reason you don’t have a picture is because you are trying to hide the fact that you are a cross between the Hunchback of Notre Dame and the Creature from the Black Lagoon.

Now chances are good this is probably not the case.  Many people do not put pictures of themselves on fetish websites because of the consequences that may occur if their interest in the lifestyle is discovered.  If this is the reason you do not have pictures on your profile, its perfectly understandable but than you need to explain the reasoning behind your lack of photos.

Let people reading your profile know that due to professional, family or whatever other reason there may be that you can not have a picture up on the fetish website.  Ensure them that you do have photos but you can only send them to someone privately.

However, profiles with pictures of yourself are more likely to receive emails, but you should only expose your identity on the web if you are comfortable with your fetishes being discovered by people in your vanilla world.

Alternative Photos

While you may need to hide your face, that doesn’t mean you have to hide the rest of your body.  Showing yourself from the neck down or with your face whited out doing different everyday activities that help to humanize your profile.  Remember there are fakers out there who just open up profiles with stock images, so showing you doing different activities will show you are real.

When I mean alternative photos I don’t mean naked photos, but photos that are fully clothed showing you doing an everyday activity or a BDSM related activity if you have any.

Nude Pics

Men: If the only pictures you have on your profile are of your cock, don’t be surprised when women don’t respond to you.  Most women, even highly sexual kinky women require more then cock to become aroused and to form a connection with a man.  Only having a picture of your cock says 1) All you think and care about is sex 2) You have zero personality.

Women: All it takes is one picture of your genitalia and lots of men stop thinking with their brains.  The penis takes over and the only thing they can think about is sex.  Now, if all you want is sex or kinky talk then this method will work.  However, your mind is a beautiful wonderful thing that makes you who you are. It’s easy to win men over with your body. Win them over with your mind; they’ll respect you so much more.  Don’t forget, men love the chase.  Make him chase you and prove that he is worthy of having the honor of seeing you naked.

Sending An Email

Read The Person’s Profile

Take 5 minutes, sit down and actually read the person’s profile before ever sending them an email.  Their profile can potentially provide some amazing insights into who they are as a person, as a kinkster and the fetishes they enjoy.  This can help to determine if they potential would even be a possible match for you.  For example, if you are submissive, sending an email to another submissive asking them to Dominate you is not going to work.  Or if someone hates bondage but its your favorite pastime, then chances are good things will not work out.  Just because you really want something does not mean someone else will enjoy it as well.  So instead of emailing everybody you come across just because they are kinky, find the profiles that better match you and your desires.

 Is Your Email Readable

Don’t get Me wrong, I’m far from a grammar nazi. I believe that communication is all about delivering your message. As long as the person reading it can understand what you are trying to say, your goal has been accomplished.  With that said, I don’t know how many emails I receive where I can’t even interpret the basic concept of the message.

I know it can be hard sending an email via smartphone, but take that extra time to make sure the email at least makes sense.  People will not respond to emails they can not understand.

Jumping Right Into Kink

A good rule of thumb for starting any email correspondence:

If you wouldn’t say it to a person you just met in public, then don’t say it to someone you are introducing yourself to online

Here are some crazy introductory emails people I know have received:

“I just want to strangle you with a garbage bag” – This doesn’t say sophisticated and kinky man when saying hi for the first time as much as it says potential serial killer. W/we all have O/our kinks but try saying hi before you bring up strangling someone with a garbage bag.

“You have nice hair. Just begging to play horsey with you” – Points for originality, but maybe she doesn’t like having her hair played with like a pony.  In this case she didn’t, so he should have gotten to know her first before assuming she would want this.

“I just want stuff My face into your butt hole” – In the dog world it is common practice for animals to just run up to each other and stick their nose in another dog’s ass.  However, in the human world and even in the kinky world this is considered rude.

While W/we are all kinky and can enjoy these activities, it usually takes a lot of time to build up the kind of trust a person needs to be able to explore them with someone else. This kind of trust is not developed with one or two emails.  You can not bypass proper human etiquette just because you think someone else is kinky and wants to get off the same way you do. Perhaps they do, but that doesn’t mean they want to get off that way with the complete stranger.  If someone doesn’t know you and the type of person you are, these kinds of comments can come off as scary.  Instead try and get to know them and learn about who they are in and out of their lifestyle, then you can better gauge how a comment like these will be taken.

Don’t Get Upset

If someone doesn’t email you back, don’t get upset.  There are tons of kinksters in this world, not everyone of them will want to play with you.  That is just reality!  There are also lots of kinksters who will want to play with you.  Don’t focus and waste your time with people who don’t want to be with you.  Instead spend your time focused on the people who do.

While none of these tips can ensure success, hopefully by focusing your search and showing off who you are to the kinky world will help to attract the person that you have been looking for.  The true key is patience as nothing worthwhile comes instantly.  Many times O/our greatest successes come from a hard long struggle so that W/we can truly learn to appreciate it when it does finally come.

Regards,

Master Bishop

P.S. If you have any other tips that you think are important please leave a comment below.  W/we can only grow by sharing with each other.

================================================================

Copyright 2008-2014 BDSMTrainingAcademy.com. By reading and
accepting this article you agree to all of the following: You
understand that this is simply a set of opinions, personal
experience and anecdotal evidence (and not advice). You are
responsible for any use of the information in this article, and
hold BDSMTrainingAcademy.com and all members and affiliates
harmless in any claim or event.

================================================================

You must be 18+ years old to read this blog

 

 

Dominatrix Question: How Do I Make A Sub Know Its Not All About Them

May 27, 2014

I’m semi new at being a Mistress. I just don’t get why the subs and slaves think it’s all about making them happy. And not me. How do I make them know it’s JUST not about them?

Thank you if you can help me.

=======================================

Mistress Sophia’s Opinion

Dominatrix Power TrainingFirst things first, know that the Mistress role is one that gives you a lot of responsibility. You are going to be in control of another person, another person who has willingly given their body to you. This is not something to take lightly, and it’s not something that you can simply take for granted. Their safety both physically and emotionally is in your hands.

Yes, SOME slaves think that the BDSM relationship is all about making them happy and fulfilling their desires – and this is often because they haven’t been serious about giving up control, are only interested in the fantasy of submission and have no desire to truly serve or they haven’t been trained well. Since you can’t necessarily change the way a slave feels or force them into a role they don’t want to be in, the first thing you need to do is sit your submissive down and find out what it is that they want from your training.  Are they only looking for something to spice up the bedroom fun or are they hoping to actually serve a Mistress’ desires.

BDSM Toy Shop Discount Ad

If your submissive is only looking to add some kink to their bedroom fun, then you have to decide if you are happy with that.  If however, they want to be made to serve your needs and desires than let’s talk about how you can be a stronger Mistress to inspire their undying service.

One of the things I like to do is to make sure that my new slaves always ask me for permission to do everything. This reminds them that I am the one that is in control, and that they are not going to have anything unless I say it’s okay for them to have it.

I want them to ask for permission to do everything: go to the bathroom, get up, move around, scratch their nose, etc. And I remind them that they should have asked when I see them do anything.

I also make sure that my slaves know how they can please me: obey my orders, rub my feet, clean my house, etc. I don’t ask the slave what pleases them, unless I simply tease them with it for a while until they have earned it.

Make your slaves earn the things they want, and then they become the true slaves they wanted to be.

Regards,

Mistress Sophia

P.S. If you have any other tips that you think are important please leave a comment below.  W/we can only grow by sharing with each other.

================================================================

Copyright 2008-2014 BDSMTrainingAcademy.com. By reading and
accepting this article you agree to all of the following: You
understand that this is simply a set of opinions, personal
experience and anecdotal evidence (and not advice). You are
responsible for any use of the information in this article, and
hold BDSMTrainingAcademy.com and all members and affiliates
harmless in any claim or event.

================================================================

You must be 18+ years old to read this blog

Dom/sub Journal: Are You Alone?

April 30, 2014

Am I the only one into BDSM

This world can seem very lonely when you first discover your kinks.  Most people will adamantly admit that BDSM is a disgusting perversion in public.  Lovers can become scarred off or lash out in anger if you even suggest trying out a lighter kink.  With nobody to talk to and no one to turn too, it can become a lonely existence living with your own kinks.  Hence why so many people turn away from BDSM to hopefully live a vanilla life, only to discover 20 – 30 years later that their kinks are something they just can not escape from.

If you have ever felt alone in your kinks and like you don’t belong in the vanilla world, than know that you are not alone.  There are millions kinksters around the world who are going through or have gone through the same emotions and experiences you are feeling right now.

Dom/sub Journal:  Write out any past experiences where you were shamed for your kinks.  How did these experiences make you feel?  Then describe why you should not feel ashamed for enjoying your kinks?  Describe why you should be proud of your kinks and how you will carry yourself in the future when confronted about your kinks ever again.

If you have an idea of how you can react positively towards such negativity in the future it can make handling any future situations much easier.  It will also help you to truly accept who you are and the world you choose to live in.

Here is to your continued journey,

Master Bishop

 

Next Page »

Dominant Training

   

Submissive Training

 
  • Make your Dominant proud. Learn how to become an obedient submissive

  • Crawl inside and learn the secrets to beginning your bdsm training journey to becoming Their perfect slave.


  • Enter Slave Training

    Mall