Mentalgasm: A Path To Euphoria

April 11, 2014

The beauty of a mental orgasmWhat would you think if I were to tell you that 40% of men either have difficulty reaching orgasm or have never had an orgasm?  You probably wouldn’t believe Me for a second.  A man not capable of having an orgasm that is completely unheard of.  In fact, it is a commonly held belief that all men are fully capable of having an orgasm.  That belief is solely based on the fact that each man is built with the same equipment.

If this is the case for men, then why is it a commonly held belief that some women will never be able to orgasm.  Women are all born with the same working parts. If one woman is capable of having an orgasm then logic would suggest that all women are physically capable of it.  Yet Female Sexual Dysfunction (FSD-the inability to orgasm) is as high as 43 percent according to some statistics.

Now some of these issues can be attributed to physical ailments such as a thyroid condition or diabetes.  But the biggest issue that causes a woman (and men) to suffer from an inability to orgasm has been due to anxiety, depression, stress, other mental block or a combination.  It would appear that the biggest stumbling block is not a physical issue but a mental issue.

To me this makes sense, because even for a man to orgasm it is more mental then physical.  I’m sure you have heard a guy repeating the phrase “Margaret Thatcher naked, Margaret Thatcher naked…” or rambling on about baseball statistics all in a desperate attempt to resist ejaculating.  You see even men use mental distraction to prevent them from having an orgasm.  Therefore if a woman is distracted or has a million problems running through her head it can be next to impossible to free up her mind to allow herself to orgasm.

I believe that it is the lack of focus on a woman’s mind that makes having an orgasm so difficult.  The physical stimulation just helps to feed the mind.  It’s the fuel your mind needs to help keep the embers burning within you.  A signal that directs and focuses your attention, rather then allowing your mind to wander.  This could potentially be why many people enjoy being submissive.  Once you hear your Dominant command you, a submissive is forced to block out any and all distractions, while they focus solely on what turns them on.  Physical stimulation is not necessary to achieve an orgasm. In actuality, both men and women are fully capable of having an orgasm solely from their mind.

That is why we need to spend more of our time focused on the mind.  The mind should always be your primary focus, because its the mind that signals the body to orgasm.  I have experienced first hand the benefits of being able to give a woman a mental orgasm with nothing more then the words from My mouth. These kinds of orgasms are truly breathtaking to watch and their buildup is just as intense.  Hear what sub cee had to say about her first mental orgasm.

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sub cee’s experience

From what I have read and from my own personal experience I believe that female orgasms are a manifestation of what is happening in your head. Whether it be relaxation and trust or whether you are imagining you and your partner in the hottest sex scene of your life, you body will follow where your mind will lead it. As women we are raised to think that we aren’t supposed to embrace ourselves sexually. We are taught to keep quiet about our desires and the things that turn us on. We are taught that it is inappropriate for us to have sexual thoughts and even more so to say them out loud. Is it any wonder that a significant percentage of us are having issues? If a woman could learn to embrace and control her arousal through her mind there would be no need for medication or therapy. Our minds are so much more powerful than we give them credit for.

I experienced my first mental orgasm 2 nights ago when speaking with a man whom I very much adore and trust. We have a bit of a unique relationship in my eyes so although I did not expect for him to initiate what happened, I welcomed it. We often talk until we fall asleep and during this particular conversation I was incredibly sexually frustrated and had been for the days leading up to this conversation. Every time I touched myself I grew more and more frustrated. It was such a vicious cycle. He was putting me to bed as he does sometimes which consists of putting me in a state of hypnosis. During this state my sexual frustration grew and grew. I was squirming and throbbing. He seemed to sense this as my hypnosis started to take an unexpected turn. I could feel him enter my mind as he started to implant a scene in my head that made me incredibly hot and wet. I could feel myself pulsing and throbbing more and more yet there was nothing and no one touching me, not even myself. He was caressing my mind with his sweet, beautiful words. I can’t explain what his voice does to me and at this point I could really feel myself starting to tighten. My back was starting to arch. It was if I could feel his breath all over me. He took me higher and higher. My body was begging for release. My mind was on the brink of climax. Nothing existed but his voice and the blood pumping through my veins. With a single word from him, I erupted. No physical stimulation. No touching. I came to nothing but his whispers in my ear and it was one of the hottest experiences I have ever had in my entire life. I came so hard I was shaking. Even when I thought the orgasm was over, it kept going. It kept pouring out of me and I couldn’t stop it even if I wanted it to.

Before this experience, I was very much frustrated with how my body was responding to physical stimulation. I couldn’t seem to get myself to the point where I was relaxed or satisfied. I relied on stimulating myself with touch above anything else. I knew that I enjoyed my orgasms when a partner caused them much more than when were caused by my own doing. I just never fully understood why. I knew that if felt so much better for some reason. I believe, now that I’ve experienced the power of a mental orgasm, that my best orgasms come from being mentally and emotionally connected with someone. I can’t help but crave the hold he had on my mind. It’s such a wonderful feeling to be so relaxed and to trust someone so much even if they aren’t there in person. I light up every time I think about it and can feel myself start to swell. I now know I’d rather have someone reach into my mind to give me pleasure than for me to just physically stimulate myself. In fact since this experience my orgasms hardly have been the same as they were before. I’m so much more aware of what’s happening within myself.

This orgasm gave me a greater release and satisfaction than any of the times I had touched myself. It surpassed the majority of the orgasms I’ve ever had. I felt so completely content and relaxed afterwards. Anyone can penetrate your body, but it takes a really special person to penetrate your mind and leave it in a better state when they leave it than when they enter it. I have to give credit to the man in my life that showed me what my mind is capable of. I don’t think I could have had this experience with anyone else. I would love to do it more and further explore this uncharted territory in women’s sexuality.

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If you are having a difficult time climaxing then it might be due to a lack of stimulation mentally.  Take some time to sit down with your Dominant and discuss the kind of mental stimulation you need to really push your body over the edge.  If however, your problem is more deeply routed within a mental state of anxiety, depress or other mental block then it might be beneficial to seek professional psychological help to dig down into the cause.

I hope this helps to free your mind so your body may experience all the ecstasy it can release.  Mental orgasms are the main reason a submissive is able to learn how to orgasm on command

Regards,

Master Bishop

================================================================

Copyright 2008-2014 BDSMTrainingAcademy.com. By reading and
accepting this article you agree to all of the following: You
understand that this is simply a set of opinions, personal
experience and anecdotal evidence (and not advice). You are
responsible for any use of the information in this article, and
hold BDSMTrainingAcademy.com and all members and affiliates
harmless in any claim or event.

================================================================

The Secret Weapon To Enhancing Your Dominatrix Power

March 28, 2014

When it comes to demonstrating power and enhancing true Domina beauty, it all starts from the feet up.  In fact, what you choose to wear on your feet can make your entire Dominant presence.

There is just something so awe-inspiring about seeing a true Goddess in a pair of 6″ heel thigh high boots slowly work her way towards her kneeling slave .  The height from the platforms elongates your sensually Dominant frame, causing your sub to feel even smaller in your presence. The light bouncing off your boots encompassing your entire body with a divine like aura that will transfix your sub’s eyes. The stiletto heels will send shivers down his spine as he imagines it pressing against his flesh.

Nothing makes a woman feel more beautiful and powerful all at the same time then a pair of sensual leather high heel platforms boots.  Every woman knows what it feels like to slide a pair on and instantly feel more beautiful and comfortable within yourself.  Shoes make the outfit and they can also make you feel more confidence as a Dominatrix.  They can help you Unleash the Strong Feminine Goddess within, give you the support you need to find that Powerfully authoritative voice and look absolutely gorgeous to those wanting to worship you.

Your submissive will spend most of their service looking at your feet. 

 

So why do most Dominant women spend the majority of their prep time on everything other then their footwear.

Their shoes are usually an after thought, just throwing on what they have to complete an outfit.  However, you must understand that the truly experienced Dommes will start by selecting the proper foot attire and create their appearance around their sexy footwear.  Hair, makeup and outfit are important to your Dominatrix presence, but none of those will ever enhance the pure power and sensual presence like a proper pair of Goddess boots.

If you want to strengthen your control and power over your submissive, then you need to give him something to focus on while instructing him.  Think of a snake charmer and how the movement of their flute hypnotizes the snake.  The shoes/boots you choose can have the same effect on your submissive as you walk back and forth in front of their bowed head.

The sight of the sleek and powerful lines, the smell of the leather as it fills his nose and the feel of your heel as it presses into his flesh.  The right pair of Power shoes can send a submissive into an instant state of subspace.  You can have him begging to do whatever you want and you haven’t even begun to exert your control.

So work smarter, not harder to take control of your submissives.

Use Your Dominatrix boots as a tool to force him to his knees and grasp his obedience.  Instead of struggling to get your submissive into a submissive head space and then fight with his obedience. Maximize the efficiency of the tools you have at your disposal, this will ensure you spend more time reaping the rewards that come with it.

If you want to feel the pure power of your sensual feminine energy enforcing your control over your submissive then add the most essential weapons in your arsenal; sexy Domina heels. Your sub will become putty in your hands!

This is why W/we had a group of submissives kneel down and select the most

Domineering, Powerfully Sexy shoes and boots that instantly make them want to worship anybody who wears them.

Click Here To View All The Shoes And Boots That Drive Submissives Wild

To celebrate the addition of these beautiful Dominatrix Shoes to the BDSM Training Academy, W/we wanted to give you a coupon ( DominaShoes14 )  Just copy and paste this coupon ( DominaShoes14 ) into your purchase and you will receive 10% off all purchases until April 14th.  If you are finding your kinky shoe selection to be limited or on the low side then take a minute to look at this truly gorgeous selection.  W/we know O/our group of subs loved them, so I’m positive you will love them too.

Just click the link below and enjoy the sight of the most beautifully erotic and sensual footwear ever designed for a Goddess like yourself:

Dominatrix Shoes/Boots

If you have a hard time finding a pair of shoes that fit because you have a wider set foot, not a problem!  Have a look at the Dominatrix Boots in O/our Diva sizes.

Diva Sized Dominatrix Boots

Here is to strengthening your control and enhancing your Goddess presence

Human Furniture for Enhanced Control

March 17, 2014

Human Furniture With Slave Training

If you look around the room at the furniture you have in your home right now, you might think it’s sort of dull or boring. But what if you were ale to create human furniture? Imagine being able to sit on your slave whenever you like, causing them to hold you in a safe position for hours at a time. How entertaining and provocative would that be? The human furniture idea used to be something that was limited to the fantasy world, but it doesn’t have to be anymore. With these tips, you can use your slave or slaves to create a new furniture arrangement with them in the proper positions for your comfort.

Assume the Position

First things first, you need to see what your slave can do. The table position is the easier way to begin and it will allow you to see just how much training your furniture needs. Have your slave get on all fours on the ground and then position themselves as the table. Once they have been able to show that they can act as a table, then you might want to use them as a footstool or a chair. The slave should be told exactly how to get into the position and then be trained to hold it for longer and longer periods of time until they are confident they can act in the way you want them to act.

Ideas for Human Furniture

Chairs and tables are simple ideas, but you can also have a slave that is a coat hanger or that is a couch. Just move your slave’s body around in different positions, causing them to perform in different ways in the room where they are located. You might even drape cloth over them to show that they are nothing more than furniture that is used again and again. You can create table settings with multiple slaves or you can have entire dinners on the back of your slave, never once acknowledging them or their presence. The opportunities are endless for a slave to prove their devotion to you.

A Furniture Party

You can even have a slave party if you have more than one slave or if you share slaves with other Masters or Mistresses. You might have a few tables and a few chairs, and all of the dominants can test out the furniture to see what is the strongest and most enjoyable. You can even taunt the slaves by touching them in their most sensitive areas in order to see if they can maintain their positions. You might also want to cover up all of the slaves with blankets or sheets to keep them from seeing what other slaves are doing, plus to have a contest to see what the best piece of furniture might be.

Human furniture is a provocative way of showing off your slave and how well they can behave under stress. Though you might not know what to do with them at first, once you begin to have slave furniture in your life, you’ll wonder what you ever did without it. Try different furniture pieces on different days to see which you like best and which you might want to enjoy on a nightly basis.

PS – Don’t Forget to Keep Your Furniture Steady…

with some bondage. Once your slave is in the proper position, bind them in that position so that they can not move an inch. Now that’s a way to create a statement in your living room, without anyone having to say a word. Learn more about enhancing the control over Your slave

To Y/your Continued Training,

Master Bishop

================================================================

Copyright 2008-2014 BDSMTrainingAcademy.com. By reading and
accepting this article you agree to all of the following: You
understand that this is simply a set of opinions, personal
experience and anecdotal evidence (and not advice). You are
responsible for any use of the information in this article, and
hold BDSMTrainingAcademy.com and all members and affiliates
harmless in any claim or event.

================================================================

 

You must be 18+ years old to read this blog

 

The True Beauty Of Submission

February 28, 2014

The true beauty of submission

So many people view BDSM and Dom/sub relationships to be these dark evil lifestyle choices, that strips one person of all their power, choice and freedoms.  This in fact could not be further from the truth.

I believe the problem might be that many people view these images through their own eyes.  They assume that a person must be under severe duress to do any kind of submissive act, because they personally would need to be forced under duress to do such a subservient act.  What they are forgetting is that this world includes a variety of different people. Each individual enjoys life different and as long as those interests are legal then they are free to enjoy them.

We don’t see things as they are, we see them as we are.” – Anais Nin

A Dom/sub relationship is meant to be a healthy loving supportive relationship between two consenting adults.  While one person may see the submissive as powerless, most if not all submissives see their submissive activities as empowering.  It takes an incredibly strong person to absolutely trust another person so as to become completely vulnerable.  *(Nor should you make yourself that vulnerable or trust so completely to just anybody.)

One person views submission as the elimination of choice, while many submissives believe it is the ultimate choice.  BDSM is not forced slavery, every person that enters into a Dom/sub relationship in this day and age does so of their own free will.  With all the choices a free person has, the fact that they choose to serve another is breathtaking.

Just because it is not a choice that you would choose, does not mean you can criticize another for their choice.  Do W/we all not search for meaning in O/our lives?  To find something that feels natural, makes U/us happy and comes freely?

For many submissives, serving allows them freedom from their own ego, and self.  A state of enlightenment millions of people struggle to achieve.

To Your Continued Journey,

Master Bishop

 

Dom/me Question: What To Do If Your Sub Has Done Nothing Wrong

February 13, 2014

I am rather new to the BDSM lifestyle, and would like some advice on how to start a scene? i.e. how do you work up to the spanking/bondage etc. if your slave has done nothing wrong?

many thanks

~L

======================

Master Bishop’s Opinion

First of all, it’s a great idea to ask about this, especially since you’re in the beginning of your new lifestyle. When you’re working with a submissive, you need to remember that it doesn’t always have to be about punishment. This is a big misconception that can happen when you only know about BDSM from videos or online images. Read more

Most people involved in the lifestyle love just having a spanking and/or bondage scene.  A submissive is capable of having an orgasm solely from spanking alone. Bondage can be as elaborate or simple as you like, either way it can provide a restrictive yet comforting experience.  My point is that both of these activities are enjoyed by most if not all submissives.

If your submissive likes these activities then they should typically not be used as a punishment technique.  Doing so will teach your submissive to misbehave in an effort to manipulate you into using these activities to punish them.  This is not an effective way to teach your submissive how to behave.

If however, you both really like spanking and bondage and are just looking for ways to incorporate it into your Dom/sub lifestyle then the easy answer is to incorporate it in whenever you want.  You are the Dominant (as long as it’s within your sub’s limits) if you are in the mood to give your a spanking:

  • tell them to bend over and enjoy what you are about to give them
  • I always greet My subs with a spank on the bottom
  • Grab them by the hair bend them over and start

Feel like incorporating more bondage into your play, just let your sub know you want to tie them up.  Tie them into your favorite positions, into a slave position to reinforce the posture or try something new.  Take your time, enjoy the rope as it glides through your fingers and across their body.  Feel their body shudder with each wrap of the rope. Kiss them, caress their body, hear their breathe and heartbeat intensify.  Enjoy the moment and allow your sub to enjoy it too.

If you want to use spanking and bondage for punishment, make sure to use specific conditions.  This way your submissive will separate the fun feel good spanking/bondage from the punishment spanking/bondage. 

  • Have a punishment corner where your submissive will bend over a specific chair.  Every time they bend over that chair they will know you are disappointed in them and that they are about to be punished.
  • Use a bondage position that is uncomfortable/painful.  Before you tie them up, let them know which position you are putting them in so they know they are being punished. Again you can send them to their punishment corner to reinforce this point.
  • Let them know they are being punished and you want them to focus on what they did wrong, why it displeased you and what they can do to ensure it will never happen again. 

If just having a fun time with spanking and bondage is not for you and you are having a hard time finding a reason to punish your submissive, then more discipline training might be in order.

BDSM Can Also Be About Discipline

Meaning that you train a slave in order to act a certain way. You might want them to perform certain tasks for you during one of your sessions and if they don’t act the way you expect, then you might want to use spanking or bondage to show them what happens when they don’t perform according to your desires.  Remember to use your punishment forms of spanking and bondage.

In these cases, you may want to:

  • Have tests for your slave – Come up with a few tests that your slave needs to pass in order to be pleasured or perhaps in order to not receive pain.
  • Ask your slave to do certain things – During the day before you have a session with your slave, you may want to ask them to do things for you, and then punish them if this doesn’t happen.
  • Be clear about the punishments – Because some slaves will do things wrong just to receive punishments, you need to be clear that these are not designed to give them pleasure. You also need to be clear about when the slave can expect to be punished, so they understand your parameters.

Other Fun Ideas

BDSM can also be about only granting pleasure when you want them to have pleasure. Unless they do a good job pleasing you or follow your commands perfectly you will not allow them to receive any pleasure in return.

Something that works especially well is to bring your slave to a certain height of pleasure and then introduce pain to halt their climax. Bring your submissive as close to cumming as possible, then stop everything you are doing and introduce a hard spanking to halt their orgasm.  Or you might tie your slave up so that they can’t move as you bring them to pleasure – and then you stop. They won’t be able to do anything but writhe in pain.  Do this long enough and they will be begging you for release.

BDSM Above All, As A Power Exchange

From your message, it sounds like you are a person who will be in control, so you need to think about what you want from the relationship and what that looks like. How do you want your slave to behave? How do you want your sessions to look? If you determine what you want, then you can begin to craft scenes that will support your desires.

In addition, you need to remember that your slave has a say in this relationship. You might want to talk to them about how they want to be treated and how they might feel about certain punishments. If your slave does not want to be in bondage or they don’t want to be spanked, that might mean you need to find another slave, or you need to think about other things you can do together.

So, new slave owner, think about what you want from your BDSM relationship. Since it’s new, you might change your mind in a few months, and that’s okay too. And it’s completely okay if you just want to spank your slave, and they have given you permission to do so. What you do in your bedroom or dungeon is completely up to you.

If you feel there are other things I didn’t cover or you would just like to share your opinion, please leave a comment below.  

Regards,

Master Bishop

================================================================

Copyright 2008-2014 BDSMTrainingAcademy.com. By reading and
accepting this article you agree to all of the following: You
understand that this is simply a set of opinions, personal
experience and anecdotal evidence (and not advice). You are
responsible for any use of the information in this article, and
hold BDSMTrainingAcademy.com and all members and affiliates
harmless in any claim or event.

================================================================

You must be 18+ years old to read this blog

Slave Service Dinner

January 22, 2014

If you are looking for have a formal submissive service dinner, then you should have a look at the formal instructions sub-kathleen wrote out for submissives who were looking to serve at her latest Service Etiquette Dinner.  Putting on an evening like this takes a lot of preparation, hard work and attention to detail.  Every submissive must be willing to pull their fair share of the work otherwise it can interfere with the other sub’s abilities to serve and for the dinner to be properly enjoyed by all.  These dinners are a time for a submissive to show their willingness to serve, their class/elegance/sophistication and their dedication to detail.  This is a moment for both Dominant and submissive to show their pride!

Semi-Formal Slave/Submissive/Bottom Dining Service Etiquette

By sub-kathleen

Serving is a gift we give to our Master/Dominant/Top. Elegance and grace should be part of our presentation and practice is the best way to insure that we are serving properly.
Showing proper respect and obedience to our Master/Dominant/Top and being a source of pride to our Master/Dom/Top is our goal. Let’s be the best slave/submissive/bottom that we can be.

Uniform:

Recommended but can be negotiated prior to the dinner party.

Table Setting:

Serving Your Master/ Dominant/Top:

Dinner Food service:

Always serve on the Right side

Dinner Beverage service:

Always serve on the Left side

 

Desert Food service:

 

After Dinner Beverage service:

Always serve on the Left side

General Rules:

Submissive Dining EtiquetteImage source: fashionmeetsfood .com – How To: Properly Set The Table

================================================================

Copyright 2008-2014 BDSMTrainingAcademy.com. By reading and
accepting this article you agree to all of the following: You
understand that this is simply a set of opinions, personal
experience and anecdotal evidence (and not advice). You are
responsible for any use of the information in this article, and
hold BDSMTrainingAcademy.com and all members and affiliates
harmless in any claim or event.

================================================================

You must be 18+ years old to read this blog

Dom/sub Journal: Do you Dare?

January 21, 2014

CelebrateBDSMDesires

Do you dare to be your true self? Do you dare to celebrate your desires?  Despite society accepting many different sexual lifestyles, BDSM is still considered an offensive and deplorable lifestyle choice.  This does not mean you should go out and reveal your desires to the public, as this can have serious consequences with your professional career, family and friends.  Each individual must make that choice for themselves and accept the consequences.

When I ask you if you dare to be your true self and celebrate your desires, I mean do you allow yourself to be freedom when you are with your partner.  Or does societies views on the BDSM lifestyle cause you to have guilt about yourself and your desires?  Does it cause you to close yourself off and not discuss your kinks, even with someone who you know to be involved in the lifestyle?

Dom/sub journal: Write down how you feel about this and then discuss your views with your partner and give them time to tell you how they feel.  Y/you may be shocked as to how closed off many of U/us truly are even behind closed doors.

Wishing You All The Best,

Master Bishop

In The Closet About BDSM

January 12, 2014

In a day and age when acceptance of many different lifestyle choices has grown, BDSM is still looked down upon.  Jobs can be lost, individuals can be shunned by coworkers, even friends and family members can disappear once they find out that your interests have strayed into BDSM.  This is why one of the worst things you can do is publicly out someone in the lifestyle, because the ramifications of their personal life can be immense.

So you can understand why sub cee was upset when her coworkers blindsided her by publicly discussing her desires within the lifestyle.  Have a read and see what happened and how she did to handle the situation.

Master Bishop

Read more

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Not too long ago I went out with a couple of girls from work to a show. Now it isn’t some huge secret that I’m a little kinkier than most of my friends but it is known that discretion is necessary. At said show, one of my coworkers drunkenly came up to me and said something along the lines of “Terrance* told me about your pictures! You know.. the one with the thing in your mouth!” I looked at her and all I could think was how much I really didn’t want to have this conversation right now. She kept pushing and pushing until finally I turned to face her and told her what I am. Right there in the middle of the dance floor among a massive amount of screaming, womping, intoxicated people, I openly admitted to being a submissive masochist.

This girl and I weren’t the best of friends. We didn’t have some crazy connection beforehand. I can’t really begin to pinpoint the reason I snapped. Part of it may have been that she already had some sort of idea. She already knew that I wasn’t “normal.” What I did know was that in the middle of that dance floor with the bass pumping through my chest, I began to question myself. I started to feel anxiety about the fact that I admitted it so openly and freely. I started to care about what she would think of me. I started to worry if other people overheard.
I really couldn’t figure out why it bothered me so much but I knew it did. It bothered me very very much.

I was at work last night with Terrance (the one who decided it would be okay to talk about my pictures) and I decided it was time for the two of us to have a little chat. I wasn’t angry with them. I knew that their reason for talking about it was due to culture conditioning and lack of logic. It wasn’t meant to try and harm me in any way. I explained how the conversation they had wasn’t appropriate and how what I do calls for discretion. They understood and apologized. After the conversation I got the same feeling I did when I admitted to being what I am at the show. This black hole in my chest. This open pit of anxiety. I wanted to curl up and cry.

I have realized I am in the closet. I may always be in the closest as on many levels, this is the nature and the price of what we do. We keep what we are quiet from the world. The world knows we are there. They know we exist. We are the monsters under the bed and shadows on the walls but we frighten ourselves more than we will ever scare anyone else. They fear us because they don’t understand us. We fear ourselves because we do. We know what we’re capable of. We understand the desires and the urges that seem so wrong to everyone else and it scares us so much that we take our monsters and hide them away. We shove them into a closet and leave them in chains telling ourselves it’s to protect our monsters. We want them to be safe from the world and hope one day there will be another monster who will love them just as much as we do.

The girl from the show jumped up an down in excitement when I told her what I was. It was like she couldn’t get the words out of her mouth fast enough. “I AM THE SAME” is what she told me. She has a monster to. A monster who has never been tamed, has never been trained, has never been let out. She was so excited to find someone who knew, who understood. I reached up, put my hand in her hair and pulled.

- sub cee

*name has been changed

**Thank you sub cee for sharing such a personal story.  If you have a personal story, good or bad about how your interests were accepted by others outside of the lifestyle please share them below.  The only way W/we can grow acceptance of O/our lifestyle is by sharing O/our stories.

Dom/me Question: My Strong Willed Wife Wants To Be Submissive

January 5, 2014

Can you give me any direction in becoming a better dominant in my relationship? My wife and I for years have talked about a D/s relationship, but have been unsuccessful. She has come out and told me that she wants to be submissive, however, she is a very strong willed, dominant person herself. Can I learn to be more dominant and how do I go about it? I feel she is slipping away from me because I am not dominant enough. Any suggestions?

 Anonymous

=====================

Master Bishop’s Opinion

First of all, realize that not everyone is born with the natural ability to dominate another person. It’s not always something you just know how to do; most people have to learn. This is especially true when you’re in a monogamous and long-term relationship. You already have an established way that you treat each other, and it can be difficult to break out of this pattern.

That said, yes, you could learn how to be more dominant. But this also means you need to have a willing slave. I always advise new Master and slave relationships to begin with a conversation about what the ideal BDSM relationship looks like to each of them. You could begin with creating a list of all of the things you want and have your wife create a list too. From there, you can then see what is overlapping, what you don’t want to do, etc.

You need to have a clear idea of what your wife wants and whether you’re able (and willing) to give it to her. My guess is that since you’re writing in about this very situation, you’re more than willing to try to be more dominant and controlling. So, how do you begin to do this?

Assuming that you’ve already come up with a list of things you will do and that you won’t do (for you and your wife) and your wife has agreed to be a slave to you, it’s time to start.

Once your wife has agreed to hand over control to you and obey your commands within your agreed upon limits, then you are free to take control, so you need to act like it. First, You need to have a plan about what you might do during a session with your slave (review your common interests). Remember as long as you’re following your agreed upon limits, you are the one who will have the final say in what happens or until she calls out her safeword.

To make sure your wife understands this, ask her “Why she wants to be submissive and why she wants to serve you?” Then ask her if she trusts you enough to obey your desires.  This is a great way to establish your control of the scene, receive her confirmation to be Dominated and get her into the submissive head space that you desire.

Make sure that you stick to your plan and that you enforce all of the rules that you set up for your slave. You might begin with having your slave call you ‘Master,’ for example. Teach her how you want her to present her body to you when she is serving you.  Tell her what kind of uniforms you would like her to wear for you for training…etc.  Continue to repeat that this is what will happen when you are in a session with each other.

If your wife decides not to follow the rules, you might choose to punish her with a spanking or some other physical discipline (that you have both agreed upon previously). Or you might have her sit in the corner like a child until she behaves better and worst case you might choose to stop Dominating her until she is willing to serve which is what she asked for.

Let’s face it, if you have a slave that’s trying to be the dominant one, they’re not willing to really be a slave. If she does try to take control of the scene, then ask her again why she wants to be submissive. Stop all playing until she can answer that truthfully. If that doesn’t snap her out of her usually Dominant manner switch to one of the previously mentioned punishments.

A more effective means of keeping your wife in a submissive space might not be by punishing too often.  Punishments can cause her Dominant personality to jump out unexpectedly, as a protection mechanism.  Instead you might want to offer her a reward for her good submissive behavior.  Let her know you will give her that spanking, flogging, oral sex, or one of her favorite activities but only if she pleases you by obeying you or behaving properly.  Reward her but show her it is you that decides when she will be rewarded not her.

Other things you can do to be more in control include blindfolding your slave to make sure they are helpless. You can also tie them up so they can’t move, as that will also limit their ability to cause troubles for you. Or you might want to create a long list of rules that they have to follow before you will pleasure them sexually.

Yes, being a Master is a lot of work, if that’s what you’re thinking. But once you begin to show that you’re in control, your slave will start to be submissive. And that is what you both want. Go here to learn more about how to start a BDSM Scene

Regards,

Master Bishop

 

================================================================

Copyright 2008-2014 BDSMTrainingAcademy.com. By reading and
accepting this article you agree to all of the following: You
understand that this is simply a set of opinions, personal
experience and anecdotal evidence (and not advice). You are
responsible for any use of the information in this article, and
hold BDSMTrainingAcademy.com and all members and affiliates
harmless in any claim or event.

================================================================

You must be 18+ years old to read this blog

What to Expect at a BDSM Event

December 30, 2013

Welcome To Your KinksWhether you’re in a BDSM relationship now or you simply want to get out and meet more of the BDSM community, there are plenty of events which can introduce you to others who share your same interests. By getting out into the community, you can not only meet other slaves and Masters and Mistresses, but you can also begin to learn more about what you can do to expand your BDSM horizons.

What Kinds of Events are Out There?

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If you’re in an area with a lot of kink, chances are good you already know this. You might have a certain BDSM gathering place that advertises local events. If not, you might want to head to your local sex supplies store to see if they know anything about local happenings. Most larger cities have some form of erotic events, so if you can’t find anything out in your local hangouts, you may want to head to the Internet for help to locate the next big erotic party. Many of these events will be celebratory of a theme or of a certain event in the world, for example, while others might simply be gatherings of certain fetishes or annual kink conventions.

No matter what your interest, there’s probably going to be an event out there for you and your partner.

What Happens at These Events?

Small Gatherings: It really depends on the kind of event that you go too. Small rope bondage nights tend to hosted at a person’s home with a small gathering of friends and acquaintances. It’s a very casual laid back kind of environment, which is why many newbies tend to prefer them as their first event.

Bigger Events: For bigger BDSM events that tend to be hosted at a larger venue (such as a nightclub) depending on the tone of the event, a number of things can happen. Most of these events have a strict dress code. Not only does this add to the flavor of the event, it is also meant to keep the looky-loos out. There are tons of people who are not interested in the lifestyle who would still love to come to an event and just stare at everybody fully exposed and vulnerable. These types of tourists can kill the mood of any event.

Many of these events have a dungeon area which are closed off sections (If the dungeon is not the entire floor space) that people can take part in various BDSM activities with other consenting adults. Responsible events/dungeons will have:

  • cleaning solution/paper towels for cleaning the equipment after each use
  • A first aid kit
  • Safety supplies such as nitrile gloves, EMT scissors, etc
  • These areas must always be monitored by experienced individuals within the lifestyle at all times to ensure all activities are correctly, safely and consensually performed.

Some events will include performances by couples and groups. These are highly staged bondage or edge play themes mostly, and they can certainly give you ideas for your sessions as well as get you in the mood instantly.

Trade Shows: More often than not, the primary function of a trade show event is vending. You will find everything you could ever think of to add to your dungeon and to your playtime – ropes, chains, paddles, and anything else you might be missing. Some of these shows will also have demonstration classes. This will help to educate you about certain skills, while also giving you a chance to talk to an instructor about a specific query you might have.

Many BDSM gatherings will also have hands on workshops which will help people learn how to play with their partners in a safe setting. You might learn bondage techniques, paddling skills, etc.

What If I’m Uncomfortable/Too Comfortable?

But if you’ve never been to a BDSM gathering, you might be afraid that things will get out of hand and you won’t know what to do. That’s normal. Most newbies are afraid they might be pulled into something they don’t want to do.

A good rule of thumb is to not play with anybody for the first few events you go too. In fact, you should never play with anybody you don’t know and trust (a rule that should never be broken).  It doesn’t matter how well known the person may be at the venue, if you don’t know and trust them you should not play with them.

Many people go to their first event and become so excited that they play with the first person that asks them. This can become dangerous because you don’t know this other person and have zero understanding of their ability to perform the agreed upon activity. Is this person trustworthy? You have no idea and if you agree to play with them you will never know until its too late.

Also playing in public is much different then playing in private.  There is far more stimulation and pressures that come along with it.  Even an experienced Dominant/submissive can get caught up in the atmosphere and lose themselves in the moment.  This can cause a scene to go beyond what it was meant too.  A submissive can forget to call their safeword and a Dominant might not be able to hear or clearly see signs that show them the submissive is in trouble.  Err on the safe side and wait until you have attended a few events before you choose to play at one. Take the time needed to become more comfortable with yourself  and the atmosphere.

To help you feel more comfortable, it might be helpful to go with your partner or with a friend. When you do decide to play at a public event, first play with your trusted partner/friend. If you ever decide to play with someone else have your partner/friend there to make sure you always remain comfortable and safe.  If you’re not sure about what to do about a certain situation check in with an event coordinator.

Going to BDSM events can help you rejuvenate your relationship, give you the opportunity to buy new toys, and allow you to meet others, while also helping you learn more about how to please your partner again and again.

Regards,

Master Bishop

================================================================

Copyright 2008-2013 BDSMTrainingAcademy.com. By reading and
accepting this article you agree to all of the following: You
understand that this is simply a set of opinions, personal
experience and anecdotal evidence (and not advice). You are
responsible for any use of the information in this article, and
hold BDSMTrainingAcademy.com and all members and affiliates
harmless in any claim or event.

================================================================

You must be 18+ years old to read this blog

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