Kink No Longer A Mental Disorder

October 6, 2014

If you have an interest in BDSM, I’m sure at one point or another you have heard the mentioning of the “Diagnostic And Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders” (DSM).  This is essentially the bible of the mental health professional in the United States, essentially it is used to classify mental disorders.  In this manual there are a list of mental disorders known as “paraphilias”

A paraphilias is considered a mental disorder because an individual is sexually aroused by an object, activity or person that is not able to give back any affection.  Up until 1974, homosexuality was included in the list of paraphilias.

Currently the disorders associated with paraphilias include but are not limited to:

Until very recently, many BDSM activities were included under this group of mental disorders, including but not limited too:

However, professionals and researchers continue to debate what would classify a sexual interest as a mental disorder.  Some issues being debated:

It would seem that good things always come from open communication as the American Psychiatric Association has removed BDSM and kinky sex from being an indicator of a disorder in the new edition of DSM-V. This means that just because you may like BDSM, you are not automatically diagnosed or assumed to have a mental disorder as it was once believed. Instead kinky and/or sexual interests outside of the normal are still considered paraphilias. A paraphilic disorder will be considered if people who have a need for sex and/or are sexually aroused from someone who does not consent and/or has a need to intentionally harm themselves and/or others.

As stated in the DSM-V “A paraphilia is a necessary but not a sufficient condition for having a paraphilic disorder, and a paraphilia by itself does not necessarily justify or require clinical intervention.”

As well as “In contrast, if they declare no distress, exemplified by anxiety, obsessions, guilt or shame, about these paraphilic impulses, and are not hampered by them in pursuing other personal goals, they could be ascertained as having masochistic sexual interest but should not be diagnosed with a sexual masochism disorder.”

While this may be a great start, it truly is only the beginning. Due to BDSM and kink being automatically linked to such horrific and terrible sex crimes such as pedophilia and being considered an automatic diagnosis for a mental disorder for so long, has truly stigmatized anyone who participates in such activities in society. This common belief that has been taught for so long to society will not go away overnight. Even with the DSM-V revisions, I still know of people fighting custody battles and have genuine fears that their desires may be used against them. Most people in society don’t know about the DSM or the revisions. All they know is what they have been taught for many years.

Lets all work together in showing the rest of society that this part of us is not our entirety. It is only part of a very healthy, kind, generous, loving, smart and complex individual just like themselves. Lets put our best foot forward and be a shinning example of what a loving consensual BDSM relationship can look like so they realize that there really is nothing to fear. Help spread the word that BDSM is not abuse, a crime, a mental disorder and/or only found in the mind of a psychopath.

On a side note, I think the one fact that truly needs to be debated, which lies at the core definition of paraphilias and was the reason homosexually was removed from the list. Paraphilias is a condition when someone is aroused by something that can not return that affection. My partner who participates with me in our BDSM activities is capable of returning my affections. They are the one that sexually arouse me. The activities we perform and participate in are fun and exciting but they are meaningless without the love and participation of my partner.

For Example:

I don’t spank My partner because the spanking arouses Me. I spank my partner because of the physiological response it creates. When spanking, there is a large nerve that passes through the ass and carries on to the genitals. By stimulating the buttock with spanking, you can in fact stimulate the genitals. With each strike a signal radiates down the nerve, not to mention the physical vibrations that also carry on to the genital region. There is also a large artery that passes through the buttock and into the genitals. With each spank, more blood is pumped into the butt, this means more blood gets pumped into the genitals as well. More blood causes an increase in arousal. Therefore the body’s own chemistry creates even greater arousal than what might be created from traditional foreplay. Do we all not want to turn our partner on more?

Is using the body’s own physiological conditions a mental disorder? Or is it just another way to show your partner affection and receive that affection in return, which is the exact opposite of a paraphilias.

Let me know what you think below. Do you feel there is still a stigma around people involved in kink and BDSM? How has BDSM affected your life in dealing with the rest of society?

I’d love to hear you all.

Regards,

Paul Bishop

 

Resources:

https://ncsfreedom.org/key-programs/dsm-v-revision-project/dsm-v-program-page.html

http://www.psychiatry.org/practice/dsm

http://simple.wikipedia.org/wiki/Paraphilia

http://www.sodahead.com/living/changes-in-dsm-5—a-new-definition-for-bdsm/question-3441287/?link=ibaf&q=bdsm+DSM-V

 

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Copyright 2008-2014 BDSMTrainingAcademy.com. By reading and
accepting this article you agree to all of the following: You
understand that this is simply a set of opinions, personal
experience and anecdotal evidence (and not advice). You are
responsible for any use of the information in this article, and
hold BDSMTrainingAcademy.com and all members and affiliates
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A Spanking Poem

September 16, 2014

Submissive Spanking PoemInspiration struck yesterday and I just had to let those thoughts out. Here is a quick little poem I wrote about the love of spanking.  I hope you like it.

Master Bishop

 

When Master Struggled, i Learned

August 20, 2014

i am a slave devoted to the loving care, happiness and desires of my Master. But recently it was beginning to feel as if i had no tools, no training, no clue or understanding about how to help that one most important person in my life, my Master.

It is amazing how unbalanced you can feel when the person who takes care of all your needs is struggling. When the one person who is always calm and in control, focused and strong is faced with a situation that is creating tremendous strain and stress on them and they now seem to be unbalanced themselves.

When i look at all that Master has done and continues to do every day so that W/we can live this amazing life.; To make sure that all my needs are met emotional, physically, financially, spiritual, i am flooded with such deep love and respect for Him. I’m humbled by His passion and capacity to love, His strength, integrity, honesty, His guidance, patience and humor. i understand more deeply my feelings of gratitude and honor to belong to Him. How blessed i am to Love Him… Why every day i choose to serve Him. Read more

So watching Him struggle, seeing Him on edge and unbalanced, feeling His frustration was torture and not the fun kind. Now i may be a masochist but this kind of pain i was not handling very well. All i wanted to do was yell RED!!!.

Every day Master gets up at 5:00am, He gently wakes me with a kiss and then off to prepare for work. Yes work. Ok a bit of drama, but you know the story. Struggling, He finds himself in a position where He must deal with the current situation until He can safely make a change without compromising O/our stability. It’s been frustrating and stressful to say the least.

Over the past few months it seems things have just become more difficult, and stress filled for Master. In my heart i wish He could just quit this job. Walk away and not look back. I’m pretty certain this is exactly what He wants to do as well but He can’t… actually He won’t. He won’t because He would never walk away from His responsibilities or obligations. He won’t because He has promised to take care of me. He won’t because as a Master with integrity and Honor He is expected to take care of everything.

Master’s stress is off the charts and He struggles daily to control it and to protect me from undue worry. Still, i could feel it in His touch and see it in his eyes when He would drift off inside Himself. i wanted to serve, wanted desperately to help relieve Master’s stress. i Wanted…. no Needed to do whatever i could to show Master that i was grateful for all He has done for U/us and O/our family and that i was strong and able and willing to do whatever i could to help.

i became almost consumed with thinking about what more i could do to help. How can i make this better for Sir? How can i be a better slave and take better care of Master? ???????

So i tried the usual. More service.

i learned how to use the lawn tractor, Taking on more chores at home, adding to my domestic service. i actually am enjoy mowing the lawn and i think Master likes the way i look in my shorts, tank top and work boots sitting on top of the lawn mower. Then i made a few budgetary changes, financial service… help relieve some financial stress. Increased personal services, massage, sexual offers… you get the picture.

So while all of my efforts were extremely appreciated, they did not seem to be working. Master was still coming home, stressed, frustrated, tired, angry, and struggling so hard to keep control. In fact i think my extra efforts were actually adding to His stress. Sir is a very generous and appreciative Master and He likes to reward me for my extra efforts and services with special play or training and while fun and distracting they require planning and time and energy and can add to a Master’s stress. Just thinking about all the preparation and planning that goes into a training or play session and i get tired.

Next i tried distraction. Both productive and fun.

Saturday, Master had to stay close to home and on call in case he was needed at the office (yeah… great start to the stress free weekend i had hoped for). So i suggested perhaps Saturday would be an excellent day for U/us to tackle a top to bottom, spit shine cleaning of the Sun room. It was a big project, removing and cleaning windows and the window tracts and walls and ceiling. Oh did I mention Master’s Sun room has 2 full walls of windows and 2 walls and a ceiling that are completely white aluminum wall panels. There is also the Pool table, to be cleaned and polished, and the carpet to be cleaned and shampooed as well. Like i said it was a big project.

So i put on my shortest shorts, tight tank top and purple rubber gloves (sexy) and began gathering cleaning supplies. Master turned on the radio to a favorite station and the cleaning began. Well there was cleaning, and singing and dancing and touching and pinching and grabbing and teasing of all sorts and oh yes more cleaning and more laughing. Then there was a lunch break… and more, dancing, and cleaning and grabbing.

The weekend turned out to be a great success but i knew Monday would come….

Monday morning after kissing Sir and wishing Him the good day i knew He just would not have, i began my daily chores. I felt some relief that the weekend brought Sir some much needed laughter and distraction and He was able to decompress and unwind a bit and let go a bit. But i was certain i couldn’t do this every weekend. Master has amazing energy levels but i’m certain this is not the area He would prefer to expend them in….

As my mind continued to review and rewind and re-examine, i began to notice that my own focus had become unbalanced and obstructed. i was becoming forgetful. Missing simple instructions and lacking in attention and direction. i was consumed with concern for Master’s physical and mental health…. What can i do?

Perhaps i should consider returning to work? Perhaps this would make it easier for Master?  He could take a step back and refocus His efforts on trying to obtain another job. One He would be happier at.

So many questions…

Then somewhere in the middle of this kaleidoscope of thoughts and feelings and self-examination i realized that perhaps i need to change the questions. Instead of; what can i do, what can i change, how can i fix this?

Perhaps what i should be asking is, Am i providing Master with what He wants and desires?

Do i serve Him with an open and honest heart?

Do i submit freely without reservation or hesitation?

Am i open and available and willing to provide any and all service Master may ask of me, within our agreed limits of course? Has Master asked anything of me that i have not provided?

Am i being the loving, obedient, devoted, slave i promised Master i would be? Isn’t this where your focus needs to be?

Okay, i am determined to keep focused on my responsibilities, rituals, protocols. Focus on my service and obedience to Master. Master deserves nothing less.  Just focus on being His slave…

The weekend is almost here and i must schedule time to talk with Sir about our weekend obligations and potential social calendar. i begin to get anxious, once again concerned that i will be bringing another decision, another burden to His already full plate. I close my eyes, take deep breaths and focus on Master. Then i hear Him, in my head. The instructions are clear. i am to review, confirm and RSVP and acknowledge or decline all social events on Master’s behalf… (Social service)… This is my responsibility. This is what Master requires. This is what Master needs from me.

The schedule meeting time has arrived and i am sitting at Master’s feet and W/we are discussing O/our week and the upcoming weekend. Master is trying to focus but i can see He is struggling i can see His mind is drifting. i think it is about work. “Sir we can review the schedule later if You prefer?” i respectfully suggest.

“No, This is the time I set” He replied. Continuing i reminded Sir that i had a tentative social gathering with a few submissive friends on Saturday afternoon and i need to confirm or decline my attendance. Sir always encourages me to get out and spend time with friends both in and out of the lifestyle.

Master became very still and pensive for what seemed like many, many long minutes. i sat quietly waiting for Him to decide if i had His permission to attend. i was growing concerned and nervous with each passing moment. Not sure if He had heard me or not. But i waited…

Then Master gently looked down at me and said, “i know how hard you have been trying to relieve My stress. i appreciate all the… let’s say creative and interesting and fun ways you have found to distract and please me. Thank you for that. I also know how much you have been struggling to find the service you could give me that would bring me peace and balance. Your determination and devotion to serve amazes me. I also know how much you look forward to these get-togethers, and you deserve to unwind, but this time you are going to decline.

Yes, for all your efforts i am going to disappoint you..   you are going to decline. you are going to decline because this weekend all i need is to have you right here, at my feet, sitting, kneeling, and serving. In My arms, body wrapped around Me, under Me, over Me. Holding tight to the Love and Passion W/we share. Reminding me of how lucky i am to own you. This weekend all i need is for you to Stay right here!!!!! Stay and be my slave….”

My tears began flow as my lip trembled trying to control the emotions. i was consumed with love and complete devotion. i could barely speak all i could think to say was “yes Master” “Thank You Sir”…

i understood right then, i didn’t need to find more tasks or chores. Or create projects or distractions or to try and offer solutions that were not mine to offer.

Sometimes the best thing i can do is to just be His slave. Do exactly what it is He has asked of me. Don’t look to change or fix everything. Know that, this is not my responsibility.

i learned, sometimes the best thing i can do is just Walk with Him as he moves through His struggles. Sit with Him during quiet times. Maintain my own balance, focus, and submissive attitude, mindset, heart and behavior. Acknowledge, understand, accept, and embrace my role and responsibilities as His slave and to just…. Stay!!!!

sub kathleen

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Copyright 2008-2014 BDSMTrainingAcademy.com. By reading and
accepting this article you agree to all of the following: You
understand that this is simply a set of opinions, personal
experience and anecdotal evidence (and not advice). You are
responsible for any use of the information in this article, and
hold BDSMTrainingAcademy.com and all members and affiliates
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Sub Question: Is Everything About Pleasing The Dominant?

August 12, 2014

Collaring A Female SlaveEverything I read is about pleasing the Dominant. Is there ever a time when attention is focused on the submissive’s pleasure? Or is a submissive’s life just about serving and pleasing the Dominant for the rest of their life to never receive pleasure again?

Anonymous

===========================

Master Bishop’s Opinion

 

Reading about what happens in a BDSM relationship and actually being in one are two different things. Let me be the first to tell you that what you have decided to be true is only partially right. In some BDSM relationships, the focus is not on the submissive’s pleasure. This is often the choice of the submissive, so it’s something they expect to be the case.

On the other hand, the submissive’s role is to serve the desires of their Dominant. Plain and simple. If they are not interested or willing to do this, then they are not going to be a good fit for that kind of relationship. Many slaves not only find it easier to serve someone else, but they are also PLEASED to get the chance to serve someone else.

At the same time, a Dominant is meant to give a submissive the control, direction, and structure that so many subs long for.  Rising up to the challenges of service and allowing oneself to feel safe and free within a controlled relationship can be very pleasurable to a submissive.

That’s right. Many slaves derive a great amount of pleasure from service, from hearing they’ve done a good job, and from knowing they are excelling in their training. Imagine what it’s like to have someone train you and you can follow all of his or her commands. Imagine what it’s like to work hard to please someone else and they tell you that you’ve done a great job.

Isn’t that pleasurable? Especially when that task was extremely difficult and you actually exceed the person’s expectations.  Many people find a whole new level of confidence in themselves and find pleasure from doing such an amazing job and making someone they care about happy.

However, My guess is that you’re referring to sexual pleasure for the slave, but it’s not clear from your question. If this is the case, let’s talk about that for the moment. Not everyone’s pleasure looks the same. Some slaves define pleasure as service; others define it as pain. Still other slaves might derive pleasure from orgasms, while others might enjoy being humiliated.

The most common question I receive from submissives is how to get their partners to be more Dominant and controlling.  If giving over control is not pleasurable then why do so many submissives crave more of it?

As you can see, it’s hard to get a grasp on pleasure, as it’s different for everyone.

I tell newbie slaves and Dominants to discuss what they want out of the relationship right from the start. Before anything happens in the bedroom, you both need to be clear about what you expect. In doing so, you can decide if you’re a good fit for each other, or if you need to find someone else to meet your BDSM needs. This includes what you find pleasurable and how you derive that pleasure.

Right now, I can see that you are a sub that wants to experience pleasure from their Dominant. There are many Dominants who are quite willing to do this. I truly believe in providing submissives with lots of pleasure as its important for a submissive to learn where their pleasure comes from, which is their Dominant. Knowing this can help to inspire a submissive to want to serve more.

A different model I use when a slave has requested more intense control is to use pleasure as a reward.  All pleasure is held off until the slave has proven that they have earned the right to receive any pleasure from the Dominant.  The slave must be at their best behavior, if pleasure is their goal. For most slaves, this is not a problem and they enjoy the challenge. However, it’s not for everyone. While this puts a lot of pressure on the slave, it is normally done at their request.

Some slaves will seek out sexual gratification from other partners in their life, and not their Dominant, for example. But they work with a Master or Mistress because they want to be dominated, even if pleasure is not the main goal.

I would encourage you to think about why you want to be pleasured by a Dominant. Is it for control? Is it for a reward? Or do you just want to receive pleasure in a kinky way because normal sexual gratification is no longer as interesting for you?

Hopefully I have been able to show that submissives receive plenty of pleasure in their training.  In fact, every Dominant should be providing equal amounts of pleasure to their submissives, its just the pleasure will come in different forms.  It mostly depends on what kind of pleasure it is that you seek and what kind of agreement/understanding you have come to with your Dominant.

Another article that might pique your interest: Does a Slave Deserve to Be Happy?

Regards,

Master Bishop

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Copyright 2008-2014 BDSMTrainingAcademy.com. By reading and
accepting this article you agree to all of the following: You
understand that this is simply a set of opinions, personal
experience and anecdotal evidence (and not advice). You are
responsible for any use of the information in this article, and
hold BDSMTrainingAcademy.com and all members and affiliates
harmless in any claim or event.

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How To Make Up For A Mistake As A Submissive

August 6, 2014

How a slave can show they are sorryThough you may try to be the best submissive you can be, there will be times when you fail. There will be times when you let your Master down and they are displeased with you. While you will hopefully not be trying to make your Master mad at you, when you do disappoint them, you can use this time as a learning opportunity, allowing you to become better in your role and more effective in your submissive title.

Know What You Did

At times, you may not understand what you have done wrong, even if you know that your Master is displeased. It makes sense to begin the process of atonement by learning what the problem is/was. Talk to your Master and ask them to tell you what you should have done differently. In addition, you will want to search within yourself to find out what you feel you did wrong. There are other layers to your submissive nature, and you may find that there are emotional blocks that are hindering you in your goal to please your Master.

Learn What to Do

You may also want to ask your Master what they would rather you have done at the time of your failing in your role. When you do this, try to learn as many specifics as possible, since this will ensure you understand exactly what you did, how you needed to act, and what you WILL do the next time you are in that situation.

Ask for Guidance

To show that you are not simply asking your Master for the answers, let them know that you are interested in learning how to make up for mistakes when they happen. Be clear in talking with your Master about how you want to do better and that it would be helpful to you to find out what else they might need from you in order to move past this situation.

Request Forgiveness

Once you have found out what you have done wrong, thought about it, and corrected what needs to be corrected, you can ask your Master for forgiveness. This might be something that you ask for after a few days, as you want to show that you have thought on your mistake and that you understand that you have disappointed him. Realize too that he may not forgive you immediately, and be graceful in accepting this decision as well.

Don’t Repeat the Mistake

The best thing you can do once you have make a mistake is to make sure that you never, ever do it again. While it’s true that you are human and that you are going to make mistakes, when you are in a submissive role, it is best to make sure you are diligent about learning from those mistakes. You need to spend your time finding out how you can overcome your human propensity for errors. Practice the behaviors that are acceptable and practice shifting your mind to successful submission.

If you find you are making more mistakes than usual in your slave role, it may be time to consider whether you are cut out for the role. You want your Master to have the best submissive possible, and this means someone who is dedicated to learning and improving.

Most of the time, mistakes that happen will be corrected and life in the dungeon will move on. Remember, you are responsible for your learning and for your growth as a submissive, and it is your duty to make sure you make up for the mistake as much as you can – by learning and applying the lessons correctly.

Regards,

Master Bishop

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Copyright 2008-2014 BDSMTrainingAcademy.com. By reading and
accepting this article you agree to all of the following: You
understand that this is simply a set of opinions, personal
experience and anecdotal evidence (and not advice). You are
responsible for any use of the information in this article, and
hold BDSMTrainingAcademy.com and all members and affiliates
harmless in any claim or event.

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Is It Coincidence?

July 21, 2014

The beauty of a silent submissive



















I think this was very much on purpose.  To listen one must be silent, both truly important skills for a submissive to master.  What do you think?

Master Bishop

 

Sub Question: How Do I Beg/Plead Better

July 15, 2014

A begging slave

Hi I was wondering if you could give me some useful tips on how to plead/beg better, I am OK But I feel I could do much better, I know submissiveness comes from the heart and it does with me, but there is always room for improvement, one never stops learning.

Anonymous

==============================

Master Bishop’s Opinion:

When it comes to begging and pleading, there are certainly always opportunities for improvement. One of the things I most often notice about submissives is that they don’t seem sincere. They just say the first thing that pops into their head. Which tends to translate too “Please may I XXXXX”

To serve your Mistress or Master better, you will want to make sure your begging comes from a deeper place, a place of wanting to please and a place of wanting to do all that you can to serve.

Read more

What works well is to make sure you are specific in your begging. When you aren’t specific, it’s hard to feel the heart of what you want – which I imagine is your deep need to be submissive. Think about what you want and about how you feel about your Dominant. This might require you do some homework before you enter a scene, and that you start thinking about your role long before you’re in a dungeon. Make a list of all of the ways in which you serve and how you want to serve your Dominant.  Beside that list, write out why you enjoy serving in that way. How do you feel when you are actually performing those tasks for your Dominant. Much of your begging can stem from these internal drives. Include these internal desires in your begging. Begging is essentially becoming an open book to your Dominant and verbally expressing your deepest desires for their Them and Their Domination.  Review this list again and again to ensure you’re in the mindset of being a submissive, rather than just playing the part of one.

When you truly become connected to your submissive role and desires, you will show your Dominant that you are sincere. Part of this connection can also come from talking to your Dominant about what they want from you. By understanding their needs, you can fulfill your role. This is something I often do outside of the scene, as you don’t want to interrupt a high-energy scene with a lot of discussion. Set aside time with your Dominant, with the goal of understanding how they want to see you beg and plead more effectively and authentically.

It can also be helpful to have a discussion about the scene after it is over. When you are asking for corrections and guidance, you are more involved and therefore more effective.

Within the scene itself, it makes sense to be clear about when begging and pleading are appropriate. When your Dominant asks you what you want, state what you want clearly and then become subservient. Use the title that your Dominant has asked you to use, and also be clear about using the name for yourself that has been chosen – i.e. ‘this slave.’

Talking in the third person can also help to differentiate between your role and the role of your Dominant. This creates even more distance between the power roles, and will allow the begging to be even more effective. Talking about ‘this slave’ or ‘your slave’ will allow you to show you not only understand your role, but you also can understand how your Dominant sees you.

Over time, it might become apparent what works best for your relationship, as all relationships are different. While I want to tell you that one thing will work in all situations, this is simply not true. Instead, you need to be ready and willing to work with your Dominant to find out what will be most effective in your unique situation.

Begging and pleading is also more engaging when you repeat what you want over and over again. Repetition allows time for the Dominant to hear your longing, to know your true desire to please. Though there is a point at which repetition can come across as false, the more you repeat your pleading, the more you will break through to the true nature of your words.

You will break down and come to the place where it’s clear you are giving over your will to your Dominant.

Practice does make perfect in this case. With dedication, clarity, and inner reflection, your begging and pleading will become genuine. You will truly be the slave your Dominant wants you to be.

If you have a begging/pleading tip that you would like to share, please share it below.

Regards,

Master Bishop

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Copyright 2008-2014 BDSMTrainingAcademy.com. By reading and
accepting this article you agree to all of the following: You
understand that this is simply a set of opinions, personal
experience and anecdotal evidence (and not advice). You are
responsible for any use of the information in this article, and
hold BDSMTrainingAcademy.com and all members and affiliates
harmless in any claim or event.

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Domination Of An Alpha Submissive

June 25, 2014

Having discussed the ups and downs of a long term Dominant/submissive relationship with Master Alan, I figured everybody could benefit from their fifteen years together.  While a Dom/sub dynamic seems simple enough from the outside looking, in fact it can be even more complex and difficult to manage.  However, the benefits and joys that one can experience if able to work through such difficult situations can prove to be truly euphoric.  Many would agree well worth any struggle.

This is why I asked Master Alan to share with you his story about the winding and sometimes bumpy road He and his Alpha submissive took to get where they are now.  Clearly this long journey can not be expressed in one article, so Master Alan will be sharing his story in multiple articles.  I hope you enjoy and learn from his experience and knowledge.

Regards,

Master Bishop

============================

I want to take a moment to clarify something. What I will be discussing here is my personal dynamic and beliefs. I personally feel that when you place a collar on a sub/slave (s/s) that it holds the same weight as a legal marriage. It is a commitment. I am not referring to a collar used during play for purposes of restraint. I am talking about when you collar a s/s as your property and take ownership. You should also understand that this lifestyle has many different aspects to it. What works for us, can be (and usually is), totally different from what works for others. There is no right or wrong dynamic, but what works for your situation. Our dynamic has evolved over the years to what it is today. I am sure that it will look totally different ten years from now.

Read more

We have been together almost fifteen years as of this writing. We were legally married over fourteen years ago and after the reception I placed my collar on her. She didn’t cry at the wedding but she did as I slipped that collar around her neck. We have had our ups and downs and nearly divorced four years ago. We have worked through all of our issues and continue to move forward. Living a D’s dynamic can be more challenging than a vanilla relationship, but the rewards are far greater. When your s/s is completely devoted to you in their heart, mind and soul, you will know what I mean.

Most could not handle my sub. She is an alpha female outside of our relationship. She is an extremely strong willed person. When we met, she was a go to, get it done business manager. She was on top of her game and climbing the corporate ladder. She was in charge of all aspects of her professional life. At the time her personal life was full of ups and downs, with mostly downs. She had always dated men that have dominant personalities but not in the D’s lifestyle. Most were abusive, in a bad way, and a couple were just game players or trolls. Due to things that happened to her as a child and as an adult, she had built a huge wall around herself. She had serious trust issues which included her family. At the end of the day when we are at home, she submits to my authority. She knows that I will do what’s best for us and I have her complete trust.

The first obstacle I had, was gaining her trust. A s/s gives their submission to you, it is not something that you can take from them. A s/s will not give their submission to someone they don’t trust. A sub must know that you have their best interest at heart and that you will not injure them. They must also trust you not to push them beyond their limits, turning what should be fun play into outright abuse or assault. They must also trust that their submission is not a one way street.

A s/s is still a person, a human being. They have needs, wants and fears and it is different for each one. All of the Dominants, with long lasting D’s relationships which I know, have taken the time to figure out the things their s/s needs and provide it. They give back to their s/s in a loving and caring way. This will definitely look different in every relationship, but it is there.

We as Doms/Masters (D/M) are responsible for our play things. It is a responsibility that should not be taken lightly. When you take on a full time sub/slave, you become responsible for their health and well-being. If they are sick you take them to the doctor. If they are sad you comfort them. If they need clothing, you buy it. The list goes on, but each s/s will have needs that must be met if you’re going to have a successful D’s relationship. They are still human beings and look to us to provide them some form of security and comfort in their lives.

Our personal dynamic has changed several times over the years. My sub was a stay at home mom for ten years but is back in the workforce. During the time she was a stay at home, all of the domestic responsibilities fell on her. She was responsible for keeping the home running on a day to day basis. I paid bills and did do more of the “man-ly” things like yard work and home repairs. I do a lot of cooking as well. I enjoy it and I am a much better cook than her because I have trained with professional chefs. Once she reentered the workforce we changed our dynamic. We now split the work at home and normally complete all the domestic duties by working together. It allows us more time and energy to do the things that truly matter.

On my next writing I will get more into the dynamic of our personal relationship. Remember, this is how I live a D’s dynamic and is not an end all for a D’s relationship. Ours is a committed life long relationship and requires work every day if it is to survive.

Sincerely,

Master Alan

================================================================

Copyright 2008-2014 BDSMTrainingAcademy.com. By reading and
accepting this article you agree to all of the following: You
understand that this is simply a set of opinions, personal
experience and anecdotal evidence (and not advice). You are
responsible for any use of the information in this article, and
hold BDSMTrainingAcademy.com and all members and affiliates
harmless in any claim or event.

================================================================

You must be 18+ years old to read this blog

All About Ass Worship

June 19, 2014

Slave Worshipping Dominatrix' AssFor some BDSM couples, it’s all about the ass. And why shouldn’t it be? Round and ripe for all sorts of play, this area of the body can be erogenous as much as it can be a target for punishment. In the practice of ass worship, you can begin to focus on your partner’s ass or you can have your ass worshipped, depending on your desires. Here are some basic ways you can begin to create an ass filled night, pun intended.

Oral Pleasure and the Ass

While many people think that ass worship only goes one way, in fact ass worship can go both ways.

Worshiping your Dom/me’s Ass:  Any submissive can easily  pleasure their Master’s cock or their Mistress’ pussy on command. Most usually beg for the chance.  However, to be forced to get on their knees and only be allowed to pleasure the dirtiest of holes can be a powerful experience for a sub.  This form of ass worship expresses two very clear points: Read more

1)The submissive is not an equal to the Dom/me and that their place is beneath their Dom/me. Literally with their face in the Dom/me’s ass. Ever heard of a “Brown-Noser?” This is literally what you are making your sub do.  They have to suck up to the Dom/me by sticking their face in the Dominant’s ass.

2) It is the submissive’s job to please their Dom/me, in any way They may desire (within pre-discussed limits).  A good submissive will want to please their Dom/me even if it means that they are only worthy enough to worship their Dom/me’s ass.  Think about it, a Dom/me only uses this part of their body for dirtiest of activities and a submissive is being made to worship it.  This can be a very humiliating and/or humbling experience for a slave.

Worshiping A Slave’s Ass:  There’s nothing as exciting as making a slave scream with pleasure when a Dom/me is worshiping a slave’s ass orally. When the slave is bound up, they can have their ass licked and stimulated with the tongue. While this is pleasurable for lots of subs because of the many nerve endings in the ass, this can also be a scene of humiliation for some slaves. Since the ass is the ‘dirty’ place that no one is supposed to see or to touch, this becomes a risqué and edge pushing scene for many a slave. To prepare for this sort of scene, it might be a good idea for the slave to be instructed to clean the area thoroughly as this will only serve to make them all the more excited for the upcoming scene.

This type of worship also enforces the idea that the sub’s body belongs to their Dom/me.  That no part of their body is off limits (if previously agreed upon).  Their body belongs to their Dominant, including this most intimate and sensitive of areas.

Filling the Ass for Pleasure

But this anal opening is also a place that is not supposed to have anything put into it, which can make this a very intense scene.

Worshiping A Slave’s Ass: Penetrating a submissive anally can have a very powerful effect for both the Dom/me and sub.  The anus is such a extremely sensitive and delicate part of a person’s body, even more so then the vagina or penis.  Therefore to receive something in the anus at their Dom/me’s command takes a lot of trust from a submissive and makes them extremely vulnerable. Penetrating a submissive anally can show:

1) That the submissive trusts their Dominant and that even when given access to such a delicate part of a sub, they know their Dominant will protect them and do everything in your power to not hurt them.

2) That the submissive’s body belongs to the Dom/me and they will provide the Dom/me with pleasure when they want and how they want.  Even if it means giving their Dominant access to such an uncommonly used hole.

When you want to worship a slave’s ass, it can be highly exciting to see what sorts of items can be placed into the anus. Don’t get too carried away, some slaves have tighter asses, so they will need you to begin very slowly. Anal Training a submissive is not an overnight process, it is very hard for both the Dom/me and submissive. One helpful tool can be to incorporate an anal training kit. These kits include butt plugs that gradually get larger with each plug, helping the slave begin to feel more and more comfortable with anal penetration one step at a time. Dildos can also be used as can inflatable butt plugs, when the submissive becomes more comfortable and advanced.

Helpful Tip: Keep these items in the ass as long as possible during other activities, i.e. oral sex, to help connect the ass play with pleasure.

Worshiping A Dom/me’s Ass: While anally penetrating a Dom/me is not as common as with a sub in a Dom/sub relationship, there are some Dom/me’s that do enjoy this kind of worship.  While the submissive may get a chance to worship their Dom/me’s ass by penetrating it, this does not mean they will have the honor of being the one to penetrate it. 

Many Dom/mes will use a dildo face harness so they can still enjoy the sensations of anal penetration while maintaining a Dominant position with their submissive.   This power dynamic is maintained while: 

1) The submissive is allowed to pleasure their Dom/me as is their job, they however do not get the honor of being the one to penetrate their Dom/me.  This means they are always on the outside, so there is no physical stimulation for them to enjoy as they service their Dom/me. All they can do is focus on worshiping their Dom/me’s ass as they move the harness in and out

2) The Dominant stands over their submissive, thus forcing the sub to their knees and beneath their Dom/me in order to utilize the face harness.

3) For a sub knowing they are so close to something they know would feel amazing can drive them wild.  Being in this frenzied state can heighten their need to please their Dom/me for hopefully that one chance that they just might be allowed. A powerful tool in any Dom/me’s arsenal is creating a state of wild frenzied sexual energy mixed with hope that can keep a sub truly motivated. Hence allowing a submissive to look but not to touch.

Punishment and Ass Play

Some Dominants like to worship the ass by seeing just how much abuse it can take. You can use several different techniques to make sure the ass is cherry red and sensitive at the end of the session: spanking, flogging, whipping, etc. It’s always a good idea to begin with spanking as this will make the blood rush to the surface of the skin, and this will ensure maximum sensitivity for other implements. Once the skin is good and red, then you can use a crop or some other implement to continue the ass worship. Of course, inserting something into the ass during this practice can be a good test of a slave’s concentration. Let them know they need to keep the object in their ass – or get punished even more.

Whether Y/you want to show Your submissive that their body belongs to You or prove to your Dominant how much you worship every inch of Them.   Everyone wins with ass worship, so don’t forget to add some into your training regime.

Regards,

Master Bishop

P.S.  Feel free to add any of your favorite ways to ass worship.  Just leave a comment below.

================================================================

Copyright 2008-2014 BDSMTrainingAcademy.com. By reading and
accepting this article you agree to all of the following: You
understand that this is simply a set of opinions, personal
experience and anecdotal evidence (and not advice). You are
responsible for any use of the information in this article, and
hold BDSMTrainingAcademy.com and all members and affiliates
harmless in any claim or event.

================================================================

You must be 18+ years old to read this blog

Making BDSM Dating A Little Easier

May 30, 2014

HelpWantedToFindAKinkyPartnerFinding a compatible partner in the vanilla world can be a very difficult task.  Each person has different morals, values, sense of humor, goals in life, physical tastes, etc, etc  There are hundreds of different things that can make or break a vanilla relationship and determine if two individuals will ever be truly compatible.  Now if dating is difficult in the vanilla world, that must make dating in the Kinky community extremely difficult.

You still have all the difficulties and compatibility issues that vanilla daters face but now you have to find someone that is your complete opposite in regards to your kinks.  If you like being Dominant then you need to find someone who likes to be submissive, however its not that simple. Does this person have similar kinks and lifestyle desires as you?  Are they wanting to be in a 24/7 Dom/sub relationship or are they just looking to be submissive in the bedroom.  Do they want a monogamous relationship or a poly relationship. If you enjoy spanking, flogging, caning, bondage, etc, do they enjoy these activities as well.  I’m sure you can see how being kinky adds so many more dynamics to an already complex dating situation.  While it may seem impossible to find someone in this lifestyle, you have to remember there is someone for everyone in this world.

Where To Find A Partner

Read more

Local Munches

Go onto to google and search for “Your town/city, State/Province munches” This should give you a few websites that will point you in the direction of munches being held in your area.  Munches are just a meetup of local kinksters who get together over lunch or dinner.  There is no playing of any kind.  Its just a chance to meet local people in your area.

Many people become frustrated by going to munches because they never meet someone anyone they date.  Well you shouldn’t go to munches with the idea of meeting your next life partner.  Instead you should go to a munch just looking to make friends.  Get to know different people, you might meet your new best friend or perhaps someone you could learn a new skill from or maybe there is someone who knows a person you might like.  Munching is all about just getting out and meeting new people in a safe pressure free public environment.

Fetish Events

Most places these days have fetish events happening almost every month if not multiple times a month.  Again go to google and search for “Your town/city, State/Province BDSM Events” or “Your town/city, State/Province Fetish Events”

These events are not as casual as a munch and like most nightclubs they can be difficult to meet and talk to new people.  With that said you probably won’t find a place with more kinky people all in one spot at same time then a BDSM event.

Online

There are lots of online BDSM dating sites, kinky social networks, forums, and online communities.  While online will have tons of kinksters it also tends to attract fakers, gawkers, posers, and assholes.  It can be very difficult to push through all the rough to find that one special person.  You have to remember that it is very easy to anybody to create a anonymous account and do whatever they want with little or no consequences.

This can make things hard for you as a real genuine individual trying to separate yourself from the fakes and trying to find that special individual amongst all the time wasters.

How To Attract A Partner Online

Since most of the emails I receive ask how to meet someone online, I’m going to focus on ways you can improve your chances of meeting that special kinky person online.

Photo

When someone comes to your profile and they see you don’t have a single picture of yourself, alarm bells start ringing.  In a day and age when everybody has a cell phone and every cell phone has a camera and selfies are the most common image online, people assume the worst when they see a profile without a picture.  The mind starts racing to the point where they assume the reason you don’t have a picture is because you are trying to hide the fact that you are a cross between the Hunchback of Notre Dame and the Creature from the Black Lagoon.

Now chances are good this is probably not the case.  Many people do not put pictures of themselves on fetish websites because of the consequences that may occur if their interest in the lifestyle is discovered.  If this is the reason you do not have pictures on your profile, its perfectly understandable but than you need to explain the reasoning behind your lack of photos.

Let people reading your profile know that due to professional, family or whatever other reason there may be that you can not have a picture up on the fetish website.  Ensure them that you do have photos but you can only send them to someone privately.

However, profiles with pictures of yourself are more likely to receive emails, but you should only expose your identity on the web if you are comfortable with your fetishes being discovered by people in your vanilla world.

Alternative Photos

While you may need to hide your face, that doesn’t mean you have to hide the rest of your body.  Showing yourself from the neck down or with your face whited out doing different everyday activities that help to humanize your profile.  Remember there are fakers out there who just open up profiles with stock images, so showing you doing different activities will show you are real.

When I mean alternative photos I don’t mean naked photos, but photos that are fully clothed showing you doing an everyday activity or a BDSM related activity if you have any.

Nude Pics

Men: If the only pictures you have on your profile are of your cock, don’t be surprised when women don’t respond to you.  Most women, even highly sexual kinky women require more then cock to become aroused and to form a connection with a man.  Only having a picture of your cock says 1) All you think and care about is sex 2) You have zero personality.

Women: All it takes is one picture of your genitalia and lots of men stop thinking with their brains.  The penis takes over and the only thing they can think about is sex.  Now, if all you want is sex or kinky talk then this method will work.  However, your mind is a beautiful wonderful thing that makes you who you are. It’s easy to win men over with your body. Win them over with your mind; they’ll respect you so much more.  Don’t forget, men love the chase.  Make him chase you and prove that he is worthy of having the honor of seeing you naked.

Sending An Email

Read The Person’s Profile

Take 5 minutes, sit down and actually read the person’s profile before ever sending them an email.  Their profile can potentially provide some amazing insights into who they are as a person, as a kinkster and the fetishes they enjoy.  This can help to determine if they potential would even be a possible match for you.  For example, if you are submissive, sending an email to another submissive asking them to Dominate you is not going to work.  Or if someone hates bondage but its your favorite pastime, then chances are good things will not work out.  Just because you really want something does not mean someone else will enjoy it as well.  So instead of emailing everybody you come across just because they are kinky, find the profiles that better match you and your desires.

 Is Your Email Readable

Don’t get Me wrong, I’m far from a grammar nazi. I believe that communication is all about delivering your message. As long as the person reading it can understand what you are trying to say, your goal has been accomplished.  With that said, I don’t know how many emails I receive where I can’t even interpret the basic concept of the message.

I know it can be hard sending an email via smartphone, but take that extra time to make sure the email at least makes sense.  People will not respond to emails they can not understand.

Jumping Right Into Kink

A good rule of thumb for starting any email correspondence:

If you wouldn’t say it to a person you just met in public, then don’t say it to someone you are introducing yourself to online

Here are some crazy introductory emails people I know have received:

“I just want to strangle you with a garbage bag” – This doesn’t say sophisticated and kinky man when saying hi for the first time as much as it says potential serial killer. W/we all have O/our kinks but try saying hi before you bring up strangling someone with a garbage bag.

“You have nice hair. Just begging to play horsey with you” – Points for originality, but maybe she doesn’t like having her hair played with like a pony.  In this case she didn’t, so he should have gotten to know her first before assuming she would want this.

“I just want stuff My face into your butt hole” – In the dog world it is common practice for animals to just run up to each other and stick their nose in another dog’s ass.  However, in the human world and even in the kinky world this is considered rude.

While W/we are all kinky and can enjoy these activities, it usually takes a lot of time to build up the kind of trust a person needs to be able to explore them with someone else. This kind of trust is not developed with one or two emails.  You can not bypass proper human etiquette just because you think someone else is kinky and wants to get off the same way you do. Perhaps they do, but that doesn’t mean they want to get off that way with the complete stranger.  If someone doesn’t know you and the type of person you are, these kinds of comments can come off as scary.  Instead try and get to know them and learn about who they are in and out of their lifestyle, then you can better gauge how a comment like these will be taken.

Don’t Get Upset

If someone doesn’t email you back, don’t get upset.  There are tons of kinksters in this world, not everyone of them will want to play with you.  That is just reality!  There are also lots of kinksters who will want to play with you.  Don’t focus and waste your time with people who don’t want to be with you.  Instead spend your time focused on the people who do.

While none of these tips can ensure success, hopefully by focusing your search and showing off who you are to the kinky world will help to attract the person that you have been looking for.  The true key is patience as nothing worthwhile comes instantly.  Many times O/our greatest successes come from a hard long struggle so that W/we can truly learn to appreciate it when it does finally come.

Regards,

Master Bishop

P.S. If you have any other tips that you think are important please leave a comment below.  W/we can only grow by sharing with each other.

================================================================

Copyright 2008-2014 BDSMTrainingAcademy.com. By reading and
accepting this article you agree to all of the following: You
understand that this is simply a set of opinions, personal
experience and anecdotal evidence (and not advice). You are
responsible for any use of the information in this article, and
hold BDSMTrainingAcademy.com and all members and affiliates
harmless in any claim or event.

================================================================

You must be 18+ years old to read this blog

 

 

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