I was sitting in front of My computer the other day and I was wondering what W/we could do at the academy that would help people to learn more about themselves and their desires within the Dom/sub lifestyle.
Then it hit Me, one of the best tools within BDSM training is for both the Dom and sub to keep a journal of their thoughts, feelings and their interpretation of the experiences that they have. By writing out things out, you make your feelings more concrete. By seeing your feelings physically written on paper, it helps to let you know how you feel. On top of that, you can always go back and review what you have written in the past. This allows you to reread past experiences so you can remind yourself of what you have learned but also to show you how you have grown and changed from these experiences.
Even better you can share your thoughts and feelings in the comments below and see how different people think about things differently. This could help to reinforce your views and you might even learn something from somebody else who shares their thoughts.
Today’s topic of discussion is:
Do you feel embarrassed about the feelings you have in regards to your kinks? If so, what feelings embarrass you and why?
Its important to realize how you feel and know that you will not be able to move forward in life and in the lifestyle until you confront those negative emotions. Lets start the discussion below and I look forward to hearing from everybody.
Regards,
Master Bishop
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i used to feel extremely embarrassed by the feelings i have regarding rape fantasy and exhibitionism. There were so many times when i asked myself, what kind of deviant person gets excited at the thought of being held down or tied and forced to perform sexual acts? Or what kind of person wants to be on display performing some kind of sexual or kinky act for others to see? Oh and what kind of person likes to be spanked, flogged, caned etc.? Certainly respectable people should not be aroused by such thoughts and behaviors. Isn’t that what we were taught?
Honestly i could never admit to anyone as i was growing up and developing my sexuality and preferences that i actually had dreams about just such things and i was aroused by watching such scenes in movies. For a very long time i thought i had a mental and sexual disorder or perhaps just a few loose screws. Good normal people don’t behave this way or want these things to be done to them. i truly believed there was something wrong with me and that perhaps i wasn’t the a good person i thought i was deep within my heart.
The truth about me is, that, the reality of someone having to actually endure such horrific acts against their will breaks my heart and angers me greatly .i would never want anyone myself included to experience these things non-consensually.
But to willingly partake in a scenario where i am bond and taken with force or tied and put on display for all to see are exactly the kinds of erotic fantasies i am now exploring in a safe consensual environment with my Master who knows that i am a good, honest, gentle, caring, giving and loving person who happens to enjoy be controlled and taken and rough, kinky consensual sex.
@Kathleen, thank you for being so open and honest. I think W/we can all agree that rape or any non-consensual act forced upon another person is a truly disgusting and vulgar crime.
This is fantasy is much more common then you can ever realize among men and women. The question I have is, do you believe what you are fantasizing about is rape? As you have said you would never wish this experience on anyone else or yourself non-consensually, so is it rape that you are fantasizing about or the loss of control?
When you fantasize you have complete control over what is happening in your mind. Meaning that you always remain safe, even though the illusion of the dream makes you believe that you are helpless. Subconsciously your mind will only allow this fantasy to go as far as you want it too. So is this a case of fantasizing about rape, or is this a subconscious message saying that you want someone who you are attracted too, care about and trust to take control of you or to Dominate you. That you feel wanted and desired when your partner ravishes you uncontrollably.
I could be wrong, this is just a theory and all of you know better then I do as you are having the fantasies. I’m interested because I know none of U/us would ever condone rape and would fight tooth and nail to put a stop to such sexual crimes. However, since dreams can have many hidden meanings, could this be the meaning behind the rape fantasy or do you believe there is a different hidden message to the fantasy?
As I said, I don’t know because I don’t have this fantasy, but I’m interested in hearing how all of you feel about it or how you would interpret it?
Again thank you all for being so open and honest.
Regards,
Master Bishop
Embarrassed? No. Would I be able to share my interests to other people? Not that easily.
Embarrassment is not what I feel with regards to my interests. It is who I am and for as long as I remember I have tried to understand myself and I would like to say that I do to some degree. This is me. I am doing nothing wrong thus there is nothing for me to be embarrassed about. More than embarrassment is my concern of people’s thoughts, that if they found out, would they understand? It is more troublesome for me to justify myself, who I accept wholly to people who are very much prejudiced against the gratification, satisfaction and relief that me, or people like me get from these activities.
@Erika, Thank you for taking the time to share your thoughts. I believe many people in the lifestyle, myself included would agree with how you feel. It is My belief that My BDSM life is private and therefore the only person that needs to know about it is the person I choose to participate with. At the same time, Dom/sub, BDSM and all associated kinks are just one part of My complex life. It does not define who I am, but is a part of who I am as a person.
However, when searching for a partner, eventually this part that W/we keep private to avoid the prejudice and ramifications of those who do not understand, will have to be revealed. If it is not embarrassment (as I agree it is not), then what do you feel it is?
Is it fear? Fear of the consequences by those who do not understand and feel an need to hurt those they do not understand? Fear of not being accepted and being rejected by those W/we love?
Or are W/we just being self-conscious and understand that since many people will not never understand the desire there is no point in exposing them too it because of how they might react?
What do you think Erika? What does everybody think about that? Or is there a factor that I didn’t consider? Please let Me know how you feel, the only way W/we will all learn is by sharing O/our thoughts and feelings.
Regards,
Master Bishop
I think, for myself, that I am afraid of my family and friends finding out, because I know most of them would react badly. My family is very Christian based and the freaked out when I told them I read 50 shades of grey and thought it was interesting and good because of the relationship dynamics and trust building, I didn’t mention how I liked the kink. Anyway, we do most of our play when the kids are away at grandma’s and we can play for a weekend. We’ve built most our sex furniture and have disguised many things, although I’m sure a couple people were curious because they have asked what this or that was. So, we don’t reveal anything to anyone because of it.
I’ve spent the majority of my life both embarrassed and ashamed of my kinks, until about two years ago.
I personally have had a rather traumatic life. In turn, I’ve had an extremely tumultuous relationship with God. First, I was mad at him, I couldn’t for the life of me figure out what I’d done so terrible to be punished, so often, so thoroughly. Second, I was angry with God. I am truly a genuinely kind person, so often I would hear “God never gives us more than we can handle”, ” God is preparing you to lead others some day”. And the list goes on. Third, I questioned God’s existence. Finally, upon hearing somewhere that for some people they simply have to pray “God, I know I’m supposed to have faith in you but I don’t, I need you to talk to me and set me free”. So I did, I was blown away when he answered me, it was breathtaking, it was real and there was no more room for doubt.
The journey was mine alone, personal for only me, I can never share this gift from God, to do so would alter another man’s journey.
Suffice it to say, I’ve made my peace with God, even the part of me that is a bdsm slave. Not only are God and I cool on this, this is what God has chosen for me.
The way I figure it, I’ve been cleared from all the way up! Thus, to hide from or be embarrassed by my kinks is cowardice and insulting to God.
Yes! Very similar situation here and I love that you posted this! So cool☺
i think my most embarrassing moments was my closest friends finding out my special lifestyle simply from a slip of my tongue. There was a few occasions that i have gotten so blissfully caught up in serving my Master 24/7 that once W/we we’re in public i couldn’t shut it off. So around close friends i’d slip and call Him Sir or Master. i even once accidentally sat at His feet on the floor instead of on the couch, thank goodness he had a dog that i could pretend was the reasoning for this action when he questioned me.He being the friend of course.But by hearing this i’d get pulled aside asking if i was okay or if we needed to talk in private. Being that i hadn’t ever planned on exposing O/our private life i was caught off guard and the only thing i could think of was being honest about my decision to enter a 24/7 tpe M/s relationship. Which was easier to explain since i’ve already been married to Master for 6 years before finally telling Him my wants and needs for this structured relationship.
Embarrassment was forced upon me by a few ex’s that I told my desires too. Unfortunately, without knowing it at the time, I was on the complete opposite side of the slash then I belong on.
I was raised by a domineering mother and consequently a domineering sister. I literally was raised to be submissive thus I thought I was for 28 years.
I never actually was embarrassed, on my own, about my sexuality or desires.
Now, I fully understand what/who I am sexually and know exactly what side of the slash I belong on.
I know how it feels to be criticized and thought less of when expressing your desires and your fantasies. it sucks. it’s probably worse than most things in my opinion. I can handle getting picked on in different categories but that one always makes me very upset. I hate being looked at like a freak. In fact I’ve even been told I need counseling.
As I was growing up, I was embarrassed about showing my kinks . I would never reveal my kind to anyone . I would keep it to myself, thinking, if people hear about sexual links. It’s a direct ticket to counceling and therapy..
This can be portrayed in two different ways.
1. Your a sexual predator looking to pounce on someone else.
Or 2. Keep your kinks to yourself and only reveal your kinks to your spouse, girlfriend, or others significant other. Therefor keeping you off the radar to the “so called professional therapists”.
So how does any person show kinks in public?
Wearing a collars, which my Master has me wearing. A training collar when doing certain tasks around the house.
A full time collar (necklace) in public outside the home, along with a bracelet with my slave Registration number, and a submissive anklet which has been soldered together to prevent removal or breakage of links..
These are a few things my Master requires of me.
I’d love to hear more from others…
I see people everyday that has a discrete collar around their neck. How do you start a conversation with another sub or slave in public, without sounding intrusive or nosy?
I think this is an embarrassment to start a conversation with other people in the BDSM dynamic.
How does one break this embarrassment?
For learning purposes and social interaction?
I am also embarrassed to mention my dynamic to friends and family in fear of shamming or anger, because they may not understand BDSM dynamics.
It depends on the situation, in my opinion