As a Master or Mistress, your primary goal is to facilitate the growth of your slave. Training is a special agreement between two people (or more) that is based on domination and submission. While it can be exciting and fun to engage your sadism with another person, what is more important is nurturing and supporting their mental and physical well-being. You can’t ignore their feelings and state of mind. Instead, you need to be careful in the way that you apply the training and you need to focus on the ways in which you are helping the slave achieve their own goals…while also fulfilling your role as a Dominant/Dominatrix.
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The Do's Of Humiliation Training
If this is your first time with humiliation training as a Master or Mistress, it can help you to get to know this sort of training before using it. You might choose to talk with other dominants or dominatrixes, and it might help to write out an outline of what you will do before you head into the dungeon with your slave.
Ideally, you will also work closely with your slave, discuss humiliation training with them and come to an agreement before this is even attempted. Doing this sort of training without permission can lead to trust issues and a slave not feeling as though they are safe in your care.
Know your slave
Before everything else, you need to know your slave. You need to know what their hot buttons are, what past traumas have they experienced, what their boundaries are, and what their goals are in training. You will want to sit down together to talk about the proposed training and see what their concerns/ideas might be.
Set agreements
Since there are certain words that might cross lines of appropriateness for some slaves, you need to have strict agreements in place. This is what you can say, this is what you can’t say.
Know the limits
Not only do you need to talk about the limits, but you also need to know these when you walk into a scene. If there are a lot of places that you have agreed NOT to go, then it can help to write down these things on a piece of paper that you can review during the scene. (The slave can be blindfolded so they don’t know you’re looking at your notes.)
Be consistent
In humiliation training, you will also want to be consistent in what you do. This might look like doing the same sorts of scenes again and again until your slave can manage them more effectively and in the way that supports their training.
Keep Records
Humiliation training can go from fun and exciting to traumatic in the blink of an eye, if you as the Dominant can't remember where the line is. It is best to have a record in a journal of what is on and off limits and if not memorized at the very least close by and referred to during a humiliation scene. It is also a good idea to keep notes on how your submissive responds to different forms of humiliation to determine whether you should expose them to it more, or if it should never be used again.
Measure success
As the training sessions continue, you will want to have some sort of measurement of success. Perhaps the slave didn’t break down as much or they were able to complete a task perfectly; these are ways to measure if the training is working or if you need to change things.
Take breaks
Since this training can be intense for both parties, having times for breaks is helpful.
Acknowledge progress
In addition, you will want to point out when the slave is successful, so they can know what to do in the next training session.
Do repair any missteps
If you make a mistake in the way you train, apologize, stop what you are doing, and do not repeat the issue again.
Praise
At the end of humiliation training, you will want to praise your slave for the things they did well. Even if they are not meeting your standards yet, they need to know they should keep trying and that you believe in them. Even a slave needs to be brought back up with words of encouragement, appreciation and respect, especially after an intense scene.
Aftercare
Aftercare, aftercare and more aftercare. Did I mention aftercare? Support your submissive however, they prefer to make sure they feel safe and appreciated after an intense training session. Liquid, food, a soft blanket and some cuddles can go along way in helping your submissive to relax and rest when coming down from a powerful experience. A beautiful moment of aftercare will also foster trust within your relationship and allow your submissive to gain the strength they need to grow for future training.
The more you practice humiliation training, the more you will both benefit. You will understand how to motivate your slave in order to help them move through moments of feeling highly vulnerable. And the slave will understand that their training is allowing them to face their fears and still do as they are asked.
The Don’ts of Humiliation Training
In any BDSM training, there are things you should NOT do, as they can cause harm to your slave and they can start to be abusive instead of supportive of growth.
Don't overstep agreements/limits
No matter what happens during a scene and no matter how badly a slave is behaving, you can’t overstep the agreements/limits you might have in place. If things aren’t working the way you both hoped, then it’s better to stop the scene and figure out how to do things differently.
Don't break a slave completely down
While your slave might say they don’t care how badly you mock them or degrade them, there is a point at which this is harmful to their mental and emotional well-being. If they are completely unable to do anything during a scene, then you need to stop and check in with them before proceeding.
Don't make training impossible
Even though it might seem reasonable to make the training goals impossible, this will not give your slave any hope they will succeed. Make the goals reasonable, as you can always adjust in them as they learn more.
Don't make it too personal
During your talks with your slave, make sure you know what is too personal for them. This might be the way they look or some other part of who they are that they can’t change. Focus instead on them as a slave and how they are behaving instead of who they are at their core.
Don't use this as a punishment
Though humiliation can be punishing, you need to separate it from the punishments you have agreed to using.
Do not avoid aftercare
At the end of a humiliation scene, your job is not to leave your slave alone to feel useless and broken. Instead, you need to let them know you care, respect and appreciate them and everything they do.
The best approach to humiliation training is to start slow and build up to more intense scenes. In this way, you can both grow in your roles as Master/Mistress and submissive, and you will both enjoy this time together.
Are there any do’s and don’ts you think I have missed and you think are crucial to humiliation training. Please share it below in the comment section.
If you want to learn more about humiliation a good place to start is with understanding the purpose of humiliation training
To Your Journey
By Master Bishop
The founder of the BDSM Training Academy. Master Bishop has been involved in the Dominant/submissive lifestyle for over 20 years. With a love for education both learning and teaching, Master Bishop has passed on his knowledge and experience to others entering into the BDSM lifestyle for over 15 years.
Copyright 2008-2023 BDSMTrainingAcademy.com
By reading and accepting this article you agree to all of the following: You understand that this is simply a set of opinions, personal experience and anecdotal evidence (and not advice). You are responsible for any use of the information in this article, and hold BDSMTrainingAcademy.com and all members and affiliates harmless in any claim or event.
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Thank you for caring about me so much that you use humiliation training when you know I need it. Thank you for being Master.
Living 24/7 as Dominant/slave.
We were married for 28 years before making it officialD/s dynamic.
How do we undue those years?
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How can we make this work?
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Hi Lisa,
It can take years for many people to realize their true desires. There is no need to undo those years. Now you can add BDSM into your already loving marriage.
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