Making BDSM Dating A Little Easier

Finding a compatible partner in the vanilla world can be a very difficult task.  Each person has different morals, values, sense of humor, goals in life, physical tastes, etc, etc  There are hundreds of different things that can make or break a vanilla relationship and determine if two individuals will ever be truly compatible.  Now if dating is difficult in the vanilla world, that must make dating in the Kinky community extremely difficult.

You still have all the difficulties and compatibility issues that vanilla daters face but now you have to find someone that is your complete opposite in regards to your kinks.  If you like being Dominant then you need to find someone who likes to be submissive, however its not that simple. Does this person have similar kinks and lifestyle desires as you?  Are they wanting to be in a 24/7 Dom/sub relationship or are they just looking to be submissive in the bedroom.  Do they want a monogamous relationship or a poly relationship. If you enjoy spanking, flogging, caning, bondage, etc, do they enjoy these activities as well.  I’m sure you can see how being kinky adds so many more dynamics to an already complex dating situation.  While it may seem impossible to find someone in this lifestyle, you have to remember there is someone for everyone in this world.

Where To Find A Partner

Local Munches

Go onto to google and search for “Your town/city, State/Province munches” This should give you a few websites that will point you in the direction of munches being held in your area.  Munches are just a meetup of local kinksters who get together over lunch or dinner.  There is no playing of any kind.  Its just a chance to meet local people in your area.

Many people become frustrated by going to munches because they never meet someone anyone they date.  Well you shouldn’t go to munches with the idea of meeting your next life partner.  Instead you should go to a munch just looking to make friends.  Get to know different people, you might meet your new best friend or perhaps someone you could learn a new skill from or maybe there is someone who knows a person you might like.  Munching is all about just getting out and meeting new people in a safe pressure free public environment.

Fetish Events

Most places these days have fetish events happening almost every month if not multiple times a month.  Again go to google and search for “Your town/city, State/Province BDSM Events” or “Your town/city, State/Province Fetish Events”

These events are not as casual as a munch and like most nightclubs they can be difficult to meet and talk to new people.  With that said you probably won’t find a place with more kinky people all in one spot at same time then a BDSM event.

Online

There are lots of online BDSM dating sites, kinky social networks, forums, and online communities.  While online will have tons of kinksters it also tends to attract fakers, gawkers, posers, and assholes.  It can be very difficult to push through all the rough to find that one special person.  You have to remember that it is very easy to anybody to create a anonymous account and do whatever they want with little or no consequences.

This can make things hard for you as a real genuine individual trying to separate yourself from the fakes and trying to find that special individual amongst all the time wasters.

How To Attract A Partner Online

Since most of the emails I receive ask how to meet someone online, I’m going to focus on ways you can improve your chances of meeting that special kinky person online.

Photo

When someone comes to your profile and they see you don’t have a single picture of yourself, alarm bells start ringing.  In a day and age when everybody has a cell phone and every cell phone has a camera and selfies are the most common image online, people assume the worst when they see a profile without a picture.  The mind starts racing to the point where they assume the reason you don’t have a picture is because you are trying to hide the fact that you are a cross between the Hunchback of Notre Dame and the Creature from the Black Lagoon.

Now chances are good this is probably not the case.  Many people do not put pictures of themselves on fetish websites because of the consequences that may occur if their interest in the lifestyle is discovered.  If this is the reason you do not have pictures on your profile, its perfectly understandable but than you need to explain the reasoning behind your lack of photos.

Let people reading your profile know that due to professional, family or whatever other reason there may be that you can not have a picture up on the fetish website.  Ensure them that you do have photos but you can only send them to someone privately.

However, profiles with pictures of yourself are more likely to receive emails, but you should only expose your identity on the web if you are comfortable with your fetishes being discovered by people in your vanilla world.

Alternative Photos

While you may need to hide your face, that doesn’t mean you have to hide the rest of your body.  Showing yourself from the neck down or with your face whited out doing different everyday activities that help to humanize your profile.  Remember there are fakers out there who just open up profiles with stock images, so showing you doing different activities will show you are real.

When I mean alternative photos I don’t mean naked photos, but photos that are fully clothed showing you doing an everyday activity or a BDSM related activity if you have any.

Nude Pics

Men: If the only pictures you have on your profile are of your cock, don’t be surprised when women don’t respond to you.  Most women, even highly sexual kinky women require more then cock to become aroused and to form a connection with a man.  Only having a picture of your cock says 1) All you think and care about is sex 2) You have zero personality.

Women: All it takes is one picture of your genitalia and lots of men stop thinking with their brains.  The penis takes over and the only thing they can think about is sex.  Now, if all you want is sex or kinky talk then this method will work.  However, your mind is a beautiful wonderful thing that makes you who you are. It’s easy to win men over with your body. Win them over with your mind; they’ll respect you so much more.  Don’t forget, men love the chase.  Make him chase you and prove that he is worthy of having the honor of seeing you naked.

Sending An Email

Read The Person’s Profile

Take 5 minutes, sit down and actually read the person’s profile before ever sending them an email.  Their profile can potentially provide some amazing insights into who they are as a person, as a kinkster and the fetishes they enjoy.  This can help to determine if they potential would even be a possible match for you.  For example, if you are submissive, sending an email to another submissive asking them to Dominate you is not going to work.  Or if someone hates bondage but its your favorite pastime, then chances are good things will not work out.  Just because you really want something does not mean someone else will enjoy it as well.  So instead of emailing everybody you come across just because they are kinky, find the profiles that better match you and your desires.

 Is Your Email Readable

Don’t get Me wrong, I’m far from a grammar nazi. I believe that communication is all about delivering your message. As long as the person reading it can understand what you are trying to say, your goal has been accomplished.  With that said, I don’t know how many emails I receive where I can’t even interpret the basic concept of the message.

I know it can be hard sending an email via smartphone, but take that extra time to make sure the email at least makes sense.  People will not respond to emails they can not understand.

Jumping Right Into Kink

A good rule of thumb for starting any email correspondence:

If you wouldn’t say it to a person you just met in public, then don’t say it to someone you are introducing yourself to online

Here are some crazy introductory emails people I know have received:

“I just want to strangle you with a garbage bag” – This doesn’t say sophisticated and kinky man when saying hi for the first time as much as it says potential serial killer. W/we all have O/our kinks but try saying hi before you bring up strangling someone with a garbage bag.

“You have nice hair. Just begging to play horsey with you” – Points for originality, but maybe she doesn’t like having her hair played with like a pony.  In this case she didn’t, so he should have gotten to know her first before assuming she would want this.

“I just want stuff My face into your butt hole” – In the dog world it is common practice for animals to just run up to each other and stick their nose in another dog’s ass.  However, in the human world and even in the kinky world this is considered rude.

While W/we are all kinky and can enjoy these activities, it usually takes a lot of time to build up the kind of trust a person needs to be able to explore them with someone else. This kind of trust is not developed with one or two emails.  You can not bypass proper human etiquette just because you think someone else is kinky and wants to get off the same way you do. Perhaps they do, but that doesn’t mean they want to get off that way with the complete stranger.  If someone doesn’t know you and the type of person you are, these kinds of comments can come off as scary.  Instead try and get to know them and learn about who they are in and out of their lifestyle, then you can better gauge how a comment like these will be taken.

Don’t Get Upset

If someone doesn’t email you back, don’t get upset.  There are tons of kinksters in this world, not everyone of them will want to play with you.  That is just reality!  There are also lots of kinksters who will want to play with you.  Don’t focus and waste your time with people who don’t want to be with you.  Instead spend your time focused on the people who do.

While none of these tips can ensure success, hopefully by focusing your search and showing off who you are to the kinky world will help to attract the person that you have been looking for.  The true key is patience as nothing worthwhile comes instantly.  Many times O/our greatest successes come from a hard long struggle so that W/we can truly learn to appreciate it when it does finally come.

Regards,

Master Bishop

P.S. If you have any other tips that you think are important please leave a comment below.  W/we can only grow by sharing with each other.

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