Hard Limits vs Soft Limits

April 1, 2011

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BDSM is a power struggle for most couples that enjoy it. When you’re talking over what you want from your relationship, you might begin with a list of the things that you want to do together, as well as the things that you don’t want to do at all. This allows you to both understand the boundaries that you will and will not cross. However, things can get sticky when you begin to stay together for a longer period of time. You might begin to realize that your hard limits are not really all that hard anymore, and that your soft limits are becoming more plausible. Here’s what you need to do to navigate the limits you set.

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Hard Limits
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When you’re negotiating with a BDSM partner, it’s best to begin with the hard limits that you do not want a partner to cross. These might include certain words that you don’t want in a scene or certain types of play. You don’t have to have a clear reasoning behind why you don’t want certain kinds of play, but you will want to be clear with your partner about what you absolutely do not want. Though this list might change in time, it is also going to be something that allows you to build trust with your partner at the start. When you notice they can abide by your hard limits, you might begin to change up what you want in a scene now and in the future.

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Soft Limits
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Soft limits are often the limits you set up at first because you’re not sure if you’d like something or not. For example, you might have a soft limit about gags, even if you want them in a scene. You might not feel comfortable with a partner at first, but once you begin to grow more comfortable with them, you might add the gags in. This is what some might call a soft limit. It’s a limit that you might change in the future, versus a hard limit that might never change. You can set up a few of these at first, letting your partner know these might change. In fact, this can be a good thing to do as it will help you to show your partner that you have other limits that you might want to change in the future. The more you trust your partner, the more you will trust them to take control.

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When Your Limits Need to Change
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If you’re finding that you want more from your scenes than you are getting right now, it might be time to reevaluate your limits. You might want to look into changing the way that you play with each other and you might want to change the way that you begin to look at your control. For example, if you feel that you are ready to try a new play scene, then let your partner know. It can help to have a trial run first before you say that this is a new permission in your contract. See how it works out for the both of you and if it does work out, then change your limits entirely.

When you’re ready to think about your limits again, it’s probably time to change them. Limits are in place to help you learn how to negotiate with a partner, but it never hurts to begin to change them as you become a better slave or a better master. BDSM is about learning just how far you are willing to go – and how far you can go together.

With that said, never cross a limit that will put you in harms way. Pushing your limits is about seeing how much more responsibility you can handle, how many more spanks can you endure or trying a different kind of play that you have never tried before (like wearing a gag during play). Pushing your limits is not about trying something that will endanger you or your partner’s life. Always practice safe sex and always keep your BDSM play safe, sane and consensual.

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>>>To learn more about your limits within the lifestyle go to ===> The BDSM Training
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Regards,

Master Bishop

 

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